1
00:00:05,633 --> 00:00:08,567
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")

2
00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:16,567
**

3
00:00:19,567 --> 00:00:24,233
* Hell no,
we won't go *

4
00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:27,233
* No, we won't go *

5
00:00:27,300 --> 00:00:31,233
**

6
00:00:31,300 --> 00:00:33,867
(all chanting)
Hell no, we won't go!

7
00:00:33,933 --> 00:00:41,500
**

8
00:00:41,567 --> 00:00:46,000
* Hell no, we won't go *

9
00:00:46,067 --> 00:00:48,667
* No, we won't go *

10
00:00:48,733 --> 00:00:51,667
("The Battle Hymn
of the Republic")

11
00:00:51,733 --> 00:00:53,233
**

12
00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:56,067
* Hell no, we won't go *

13
00:00:56,133 --> 00:00:58,767
* Hell no,
we won't go **

14
00:00:58,833 --> 00:01:00,633
**

15
00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:03,567
("Dance of
the Sugar Plum Fairy")

16
00:01:03,633 --> 00:01:07,567
**

17
00:01:07,633 --> 00:01:10,567
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")

18
00:01:10,633 --> 00:01:11,567
**

19
00:01:11,633 --> 00:01:13,233
(music dies out)

20
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:21,233
(marching band drumming)

21
00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:23,767
Sit down.

22
00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:31,767
(drumming continues)

23
00:01:32,833 --> 00:01:34,900
All right, Stern,
you're next.

24
00:01:34,967 --> 00:01:42,900
(drumming continues)

25
00:01:53,967 --> 00:01:59,600
"Leg cramps, tension,
headaches, ingrown toenail,

26
00:01:59,667 --> 00:02:04,133
prickly heat,
and occasional bedwetting."

27
00:02:05,867 --> 00:02:08,433
Bedwetting, Stern?

28
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:09,433
Yes, sir.

29
00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:11,067
Only when
I'm nervous, sir.

30
00:02:11,133 --> 00:02:12,767
Uh-huh.

31
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:16,333
Well, I'll tell
you what, Stern.

32
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,167
When you
get to basic training,

33
00:02:18,233 --> 00:02:22,300
you give this little note
to the supply sergeant.

34
00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:29,967
Supply sergeant?

35
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,400
That's right.

36
00:02:31,467 --> 00:02:34,967
That's an eight-week
supply of rubber sheets.

37
00:02:36,067 --> 00:02:38,067
Oh.

38
00:02:41,467 --> 00:02:43,067
(chuckles)

39
00:02:43,067 --> 00:02:45,067
Wait there.

40
00:02:50,067 --> 00:02:52,500
They asked to
see you together.

41
00:02:52,567 --> 00:02:54,900
What are they, a couple
of Siamese twins?

42
00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:56,267
No, but I get the feeling

43
00:02:56,333 --> 00:02:57,267
that they're
joined together

44
00:02:57,333 --> 00:02:59,533
from time to time.

45
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,533
Well, send them in.

46
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,433
Shut the door.

47
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,467
Devlin?

48
00:03:16,533 --> 00:03:17,733
Yes, sir.

49
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,067
Is that a check mark?

50
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:25,800
Well, that-- that's
kind of hard to say, sir.

51
00:03:25,867 --> 00:03:28,167
It looks more like
a smudge to me.

52
00:03:28,233 --> 00:03:30,233
Well, it's
your application, boy.

53
00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:32,900
What are you trying
to say?

54
00:03:32,967 --> 00:03:35,067
Are you or aren't you?

55
00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:36,100
'Cause if you are,

56
00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:37,100
you're gonna have to

57
00:03:37,167 --> 00:03:39,333
sign a statement
verifying it.

58
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,833
Am I or aren't I
what, sir?

59
00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:43,567
Well, you can read,
can't you?

60
00:03:43,633 --> 00:03:45,067
Oh, yes, sir.

61
00:03:47,467 --> 00:03:48,500
Oh.

62
00:03:48,567 --> 00:03:52,367
Well, see, it doesn't say,
"Am I or aren't I."

63
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:53,800
The way that
it's worded is,

64
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,067
"Have you ever had a-- "

65
00:03:55,133 --> 00:03:57,667
I know what it says.

66
00:03:57,733 --> 00:03:59,067
What's your answer?

67
00:03:59,133 --> 00:04:01,733
Well, that depends on

68
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,067
how you would define
an "experience."

69
00:04:10,967 --> 00:04:14,667
And what's
your problem, boy?

70
00:04:14,733 --> 00:04:15,967
I have no problem, sir.

71
00:04:16,067 --> 00:04:18,067
Well, it says here
that you, uh,

72
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,600
want to be with Devlin

73
00:04:19,667 --> 00:04:21,333
throughout your entire
tour of duty.

74
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,900
Yes, sir,
that's correct.

75
00:04:23,967 --> 00:04:25,733
Well, what do you think we're
running here, a boys' camp?

76
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,333
I understand perfectly,
sir.

77
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:30,433
It's just that,
well, Danny and I

78
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:31,433
have been together
ever since grade school

79
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:33,100
and-- and--

80
00:04:33,167 --> 00:04:35,400
Well, if we couldn't
remain together,

81
00:04:35,467 --> 00:04:36,833
I'd just die.

82
00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:38,867
I just don't think
I could take it, sir.

83
00:04:38,933 --> 00:04:40,633
You don't understand
how it is.

84
00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:43,400
Hey, let's can
the BS, all right?

85
00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:47,200
Now, do you boys want to
go in the Army?

86
00:04:48,567 --> 00:04:51,067
Oh, yes, sir.
Yes, sir.

87
00:04:51,133 --> 00:04:53,333
Fine.

88
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:56,433
I told you

89
00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:58,067
there was nothing
to worry about, Elliot.

90
00:04:58,133 --> 00:04:59,233
Oh, you know
how it is.

91
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,367
Every time I want
something real bad,

92
00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:01,400
I never get it.

93
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:02,667
Oh, I know.

94
00:05:02,733 --> 00:05:04,667
Oh, but this is gonna be
so marvelous,

95
00:05:04,733 --> 00:05:05,800
just living
with all those guys.

96
00:05:05,867 --> 00:05:07,800
Hold it.

97
00:05:07,867 --> 00:05:10,800
(lively music)

98
00:05:10,867 --> 00:05:16,433
**

99
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:19,667
Are you a homosexual?

100
00:05:19,733 --> 00:05:21,067
No.

101
00:05:21,067 --> 00:05:29,067
**

102
00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:32,900
Are you a homosexual?

103
00:05:32,967 --> 00:05:34,833
Perish the thought.

104
00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:42,667
**

105
00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:45,667
Do you ever wear
women's clothes?

106
00:05:45,733 --> 00:05:48,067
I'm no drag queen,
doctor.

107
00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:51,667
**

108
00:05:51,733 --> 00:05:52,900
Why not?

109
00:05:52,967 --> 00:05:54,333
Too embarrassed?

110
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,500
I just think
it's a bit much.

111
00:05:56,567 --> 00:06:00,500
**

112
00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:02,100
How about you?

113
00:06:02,167 --> 00:06:10,100
**

114
00:06:19,733 --> 00:06:21,233
Now, which do you prefer?

115
00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:25,567
Young boys
or mature men?

116
00:06:25,633 --> 00:06:28,100
I think, when you really
love somebody,

117
00:06:28,167 --> 00:06:30,067
that age
shouldn't matter at all.

118
00:06:30,133 --> 00:06:31,667
**

119
00:06:31,733 --> 00:06:33,233
How about you?

120
00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:35,067
Do I get a choice?

121
00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:41,667
**

122
00:06:41,733 --> 00:06:45,767
Do you favor (bleep)
or (bleep)?

123
00:06:45,833 --> 00:06:48,400
Sex has nothing to do
with love.

124
00:06:48,467 --> 00:06:51,833
I think it's much more how
you feel about the person.

125
00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:53,067
**

126
00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:55,167
How about you?

127
00:06:55,233 --> 00:06:58,067
**

128
00:06:58,067 --> 00:07:00,067
(bleep) or (bleep)?

129
00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:01,700
I believe one should
remain receptive

130
00:07:01,767 --> 00:07:03,500
to one's
partner's needs.

131
00:07:03,567 --> 00:07:05,933
Inhibitions have
ruined more marriages.

132
00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:08,967
What do you think of her?

133
00:07:09,067 --> 00:07:12,567
Oh, those are
heavenly beads.

134
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:18,767
**

135
00:07:18,833 --> 00:07:21,667
What do you think of her?

136
00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:24,233
Her hair is too long.

137
00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:28,333
**

138
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:29,367
What do you think about

139
00:07:29,433 --> 00:07:32,767
when you look at
something like this?

140
00:07:32,833 --> 00:07:38,433
Well, muscles have
never been my bag, but...

141
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,500
**

142
00:07:39,567 --> 00:07:41,233
And you?

143
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:44,567
Oh, now, that's nice.

144
00:07:44,633 --> 00:07:45,933
Do you mind
if I keep it?

145
00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:47,900
I don't have this
one at home.

146
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:55,900
**

147
00:08:03,833 --> 00:08:05,167
That's all.

148
00:08:05,233 --> 00:08:09,267
**

149
00:08:09,333 --> 00:08:10,867
Well, you're free
to go.

150
00:08:10,933 --> 00:08:13,233
Your draft board will notify
you in two or three weeks

151
00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:15,667
of your
reclassification.

152
00:08:15,733 --> 00:08:17,800
Does that mean the Army
doesn't want us?

153
00:08:17,867 --> 00:08:19,100
Not at this time.

154
00:08:19,167 --> 00:08:21,567
However, if we uncover any
additional evidence

155
00:08:21,633 --> 00:08:26,100
that changes our opinion,
we'll reclassify you 1-A.

156
00:08:26,167 --> 00:08:28,600
I counted
so much on going in.

157
00:08:28,667 --> 00:08:30,667
What are we gonna
tell our friends?

158
00:08:30,733 --> 00:08:34,467
Oh, I'm sure you'll think of
something, Devlin.

159
00:08:39,067 --> 00:08:41,967
(bugle fanfare)

160
00:08:42,067 --> 00:08:43,433
**

161
00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:49,533
(overlapping chatter)

162
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,900
Here comes the
young counselor.

163
00:08:51,967 --> 00:08:53,467
Hey, Danny.

164
00:08:53,533 --> 00:09:00,067
(overlapping chatter)

165
00:09:01,633 --> 00:09:02,600
Dad.

166
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,067
Hi.

167
00:09:04,133 --> 00:09:07,300
That's the old
million-dollar knee,

168
00:09:07,367 --> 00:09:08,733
right, son?

169
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,067
Whoever would have thought
that old trike injury

170
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:12,767
would show up at
a time like this?

171
00:09:12,833 --> 00:09:14,567
I'll bet it won't keep you
from running around a little

172
00:09:14,633 --> 00:09:16,100
when you get up
to Stanford, will it?

173
00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:17,600
Uh, well, actually,
I don't think

174
00:09:17,667 --> 00:09:19,233
I'm gonna have a lot of time
to do much of anything.

175
00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,100
I hear they keep you
jumping pretty good up there.

176
00:09:21,167 --> 00:09:22,300
(man)
Stanford?

177
00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:23,367
That's my alma mater.

178
00:09:23,433 --> 00:09:25,100
Say, before you
accept any offers, Dan,

179
00:09:25,167 --> 00:09:26,900
I want a chance to better
the deal.

180
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,533
Agreed?

181
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:29,867
Agreed.

182
00:09:29,933 --> 00:09:31,267
How about that, Danny?

183
00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:33,200
You haven't even cracked
your first law book,

184
00:09:33,267 --> 00:09:34,733
and already you've
been guaranteed a position

185
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,733
with one of the finest
firms in the city.

186
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,200
It pays to have friends
in high places.

187
00:09:39,267 --> 00:09:40,767
What are your
plans now, dear,

188
00:09:40,833 --> 00:09:42,600
now that Danny has
his deferment?

189
00:09:42,667 --> 00:09:43,800
Are you going
to keep flying?

190
00:09:43,867 --> 00:09:45,067
Oh, yes, I've, um--

191
00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:46,333
I've asked the airlines
for a transfer

192
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:47,533
up to San Francisco

193
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,433
so we can be together
as much as possible.

194
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,067
Uh, we're gonna get
some sun, okay?

195
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:52,300
Excuse us.
Have fun.

196
00:09:52,367 --> 00:09:53,633
Okay.

197
00:09:53,700 --> 00:09:57,100
(overlapping chatter)

198
00:09:57,167 --> 00:10:03,367
(laughter)

199
00:10:03,433 --> 00:10:06,867
(woman)
Gee, I didn't know
he had asthma.

200
00:10:06,933 --> 00:10:09,567
Maybe that's what you've been
mistaking for passion.

201
00:10:09,633 --> 00:10:12,433
I really don't see
what you all see in him.

202
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:15,233
Well, as lover boy says,

203
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:18,100
if you haven't tried
it, don't knock it.

204
00:10:18,167 --> 00:10:20,533
(women laughing)

205
00:10:25,733 --> 00:10:27,433
Hi.
Hi.

206
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:30,133
Hey, my big brother,
how's the old knee?

207
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,600
Uh, tricky.

208
00:10:31,667 --> 00:10:34,100
Very, very tricky.

209
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,233
And this fruit says to him,
"But sergeant,

210
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,000
"I've just been there,
and they sent me back here,

211
00:10:38,067 --> 00:10:39,767
"and I just don't know where
to go anymore.

212
00:10:39,833 --> 00:10:41,467
I'm so confused."

213
00:10:41,533 --> 00:10:43,933
(laughter)

214
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,300
Hey, Elliot!

215
00:10:45,367 --> 00:10:47,433
Excuse me a second.

216
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:48,667
Oh, there he goes again.

217
00:10:48,733 --> 00:10:49,967
He's so jealous.

218
00:10:50,033 --> 00:10:52,000
(laughter)

219
00:10:56,167 --> 00:10:58,733
Hey, do you have to pull that
fag routine around here?

220
00:10:58,800 --> 00:10:59,833
What's wrong, Danny boy?

221
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:00,900
We're out.

222
00:11:00,967 --> 00:11:02,067
I realize that.

223
00:11:02,067 --> 00:11:03,533
I just don't want
anybody getting any ideas.

224
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,333
Okay, don't get
spastic over it.

225
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,067
What are you
doing later?

226
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,100
I just have to take Karen
out to the airport.

227
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,100
Why?

228
00:11:09,167 --> 00:11:10,267
Wait till you see

229
00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:11,267
what I've got lined up
for you for a little

230
00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:12,433
after-hours
scene at my place.

231
00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:15,267
My gift to you for
springing us free.

232
00:11:15,333 --> 00:11:17,700
Okay.

233
00:11:17,767 --> 00:11:21,167
You know,
I think that, uh--

234
00:11:21,233 --> 00:11:24,067
my, that boy seems
popular.

235
00:11:24,067 --> 00:11:25,667
Your daughter
certainly adores him.

236
00:11:25,733 --> 00:11:28,467
Yes, doesn't she?

237
00:11:28,533 --> 00:11:29,667
You know, I'm glad Danny

238
00:11:29,733 --> 00:11:31,333
cultivated Elliot's
friendship.

239
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,433
He needs to be
with somebody more outgoing.

240
00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:36,900
He has a tendency to be
on the shy side.

241
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:42,800
(ominous music)

242
00:11:42,867 --> 00:11:44,067
**

243
00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:47,233
Going up to celebrate
your victory, Devlin?

244
00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:49,100
**

245
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:51,100
I guess.

246
00:11:51,167 --> 00:11:55,167
**

247
00:11:55,233 --> 00:11:56,500
(door bell ringing)

248
00:11:56,567 --> 00:11:59,500
(sultry jazz)

249
00:11:59,567 --> 00:12:01,600
Hi.

250
00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:03,600
Hi.

251
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:09,100
I'm Laverne...

252
00:12:09,167 --> 00:12:11,533
And, uh,
you must be that genius

253
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,933
Elliot was telling me
about.

254
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,333
You must be
my little surprise.

255
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,567
Uh, wh-- where is Elliot?

256
00:12:18,633 --> 00:12:21,333
Doing his homework.

257
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,067
Uh, can I fix you
a drink or something?

258
00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:25,333
Oh, no.

259
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:26,333
(gulps)

260
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:28,933
Um, I'll
make you that drink.

261
00:12:29,067 --> 00:12:30,933
You relax.

262
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:38,433
**

263
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:40,433
(ice cubes rattle)

264
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:42,500
**

265
00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:45,067
(ominous music)

266
00:12:45,067 --> 00:12:48,067
(sultry jazz)

267
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:56,067
**

268
00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:18,333
(moans)

269
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:19,900
Easy, doll.

270
00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:22,133
We've got all night.

271
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:23,200
Oh, yeah.

272
00:13:23,267 --> 00:13:31,200
**

273
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:38,833
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")

274
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:43,833
**

275
00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:46,067
(dramatic music)

276
00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:48,067
("You're In The Army Now")

277
00:13:48,133 --> 00:13:52,133
Mm, mm-mmm!
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm!

278
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,200
**

279
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,300
Hey, what's your problem?

280
00:13:56,367 --> 00:13:57,667
Am I too fast for you?

281
00:13:57,733 --> 00:13:59,133
No, as a matter of fact,
you're not fast enough.

282
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,367
You've got to leave.

283
00:14:00,433 --> 00:14:01,367
Uh, no,
you've got to--

284
00:14:01,433 --> 00:14:02,433
You've got to take
your purse.

285
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:03,433
You've got to get out.
But--

286
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:04,933
Come on, no, this is
gonna be a bust.

287
00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:05,933
The police are outside.

288
00:14:06,067 --> 00:14:07,100
Why didn't you say so?

289
00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:08,167
You can tell Elliot
to just go--

290
00:14:08,233 --> 00:14:11,567
Uh, yeah, right, right,
back stairs, please.

291
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:14,567
(whimsical music)

292
00:14:14,633 --> 00:14:18,867
**

293
00:14:18,933 --> 00:14:21,867
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")

294
00:14:21,933 --> 00:14:26,900
**

295
00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,433
Elliot.

296
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:31,067
Listen to me.

297
00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:32,567
That colonel from the
draft board is downstairs,

298
00:14:32,633 --> 00:14:33,567
checking
the apartments.

299
00:14:33,633 --> 00:14:34,633
What?

300
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:36,100
Just get dressed!

301
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:38,400
Oh, dear.

302
00:14:42,433 --> 00:14:43,567
Oh.

303
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:44,833
(gasps)

304
00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:46,267
Look, Elliott, if you
don't believe it,

305
00:14:46,333 --> 00:14:48,667
you come look
for yourself, okay?

306
00:14:56,567 --> 00:14:57,833
How do you know it's him?

307
00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:00,467
I saw him downstairs,
checking the mailboxes.

308
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:03,267
Okay, so we're having
a little celebration party.

309
00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:05,067
With girls?

310
00:15:05,133 --> 00:15:06,067
You know what he said

311
00:15:06,133 --> 00:15:07,433
about uncovering
new evide--

312
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:10,100
Will you
get her out of here?

313
00:15:10,167 --> 00:15:12,067
Okay, sweetheart,
get dressed, huh?

314
00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:13,767
I can't!

315
00:15:13,833 --> 00:15:14,767
Just do as I say.

316
00:15:14,833 --> 00:15:15,767
But I can't.

317
00:15:15,833 --> 00:15:18,333
You've got my dress on.

318
00:15:21,433 --> 00:15:24,733
Oh, dear.

319
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:34,067
Look, Elliot, w--
Will you get dressed?

320
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:02,833
It's what
we've got to do.

321
00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:04,467
Now, do it.

322
00:16:04,533 --> 00:16:07,467
(dramatic music)

323
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:10,467
(sultry jazz)

324
00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:14,333
**

325
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,333
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")

326
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:23,067
**

327
00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:26,067
Look, Elliot,
there's no other way.

328
00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:28,333
That's what we've
got to do.

329
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:30,667
Not here.

330
00:16:30,733 --> 00:16:33,333
The lady who pays the rent
doesn't dig roommates.

331
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,800
Okay, we move
somewhere else.

332
00:16:35,867 --> 00:16:37,333
Look, I can't even afford
this set-up,

333
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,100
and I only
pay for the groceries.

334
00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:40,767
Look, don't sweat
the money.

335
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,200
That, I can handle.

336
00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:44,100
Look, how can I walk out
on her now?

337
00:16:44,167 --> 00:16:45,500
She's gonna buy me a car.

338
00:16:45,567 --> 00:16:46,833
Oh, wonderful.

339
00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:48,067
Why don't you go get your
tail shot off in Vietnam,

340
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:50,533
and she you can
buy you a wheelchair!

341
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:53,433
Oh, I don't know.

342
00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:54,867
I do.

343
00:16:54,933 --> 00:16:56,567
(real estate agent)
You know, this, uh--

344
00:16:56,633 --> 00:16:58,233
This area
is just right.

345
00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:01,100
(breezy music)

346
00:17:01,167 --> 00:17:02,233
**

347
00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:03,767
(Elliot)
It's exactly what
we're looking for.

348
00:17:03,833 --> 00:17:05,067
Mm-hmm,
well, you know,

349
00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:06,433
I have quite a few other
listings

350
00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:08,800
I think you'd
find far more suitable.

351
00:17:08,867 --> 00:17:10,800
I have a place in Malibu
and a couple

352
00:17:10,867 --> 00:17:12,233
right above the strip,
right up here in the hills.

353
00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:13,600
No, no, no, no.

354
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:16,733
No, this is
just, uh, fine.

355
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,167
It's just peachy.

356
00:17:18,233 --> 00:17:19,900
Well, frankly, fellas,
I really don't think

357
00:17:19,967 --> 00:17:21,133
you're gonna
like this place.

358
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,600
It's rather sedate here,
and the tenants--

359
00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:24,600
Well, they tend to be

360
00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:25,733
more on
the conservative--

361
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,067
(dog barks)

362
00:17:27,067 --> 00:17:30,067
(whimsical music)

363
00:17:30,067 --> 00:17:38,067
**

364
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,333
(sultry jazz)

365
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,067
**

366
00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:50,267
Uh, actually, fellas,
uh, I have--

367
00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:51,833
Several of my
very best friends

368
00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:53,933
are members of
your faith.

369
00:17:54,067 --> 00:17:56,067
Uh, would you look
at this cottage?

370
00:17:56,067 --> 00:17:59,333
I think you'll find it
rather unique.

371
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:02,333
**

372
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:05,500
Well, here we are.

373
00:18:05,567 --> 00:18:07,800
Uh, the kitchen here

374
00:18:07,867 --> 00:18:13,500
has all modern
appliances, all gas.

375
00:18:13,567 --> 00:18:15,567
View the breakfast nook.

376
00:18:15,633 --> 00:18:18,233
Isn't that
tastefully designed?

377
00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:21,100
Beautiful view.

378
00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:23,167
And a real fireplace.

379
00:18:24,967 --> 00:18:26,067
Look at that.

380
00:18:26,133 --> 00:18:29,067
(sultry jazz)

381
00:18:29,133 --> 00:18:37,067
**

382
00:19:01,567 --> 00:19:04,133
The bedroom is up this way.

383
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:08,333
Now-- Now for
the coup de grace.

384
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:11,333
(dramatic music)

385
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:17,333
**

386
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,200
Of course, if
you'd prefer something

387
00:19:19,267 --> 00:19:20,600
in a two-bedroom,
I actua--

388
00:19:20,667 --> 00:19:25,067
No, no, one bedroom
is right.

389
00:19:25,133 --> 00:19:27,333
Uh, why don't you fellas
have a look around,

390
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,067
and I'll
wait for you downstairs.

391
00:19:30,133 --> 00:19:38,067
**

392
00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:40,867
What do you mean,
this is all right?

393
00:19:40,933 --> 00:19:42,133
Look, Elliot,
I don't want this

394
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,067
any more than you do,
you know?

395
00:19:44,067 --> 00:19:46,300
It's bad enough I've got
to live here in fairy land.

396
00:19:46,367 --> 00:19:49,167
Now you want me to share
the same bed.

397
00:19:49,233 --> 00:19:50,333
You're forgetting
something.

398
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,833
You see, we're supposed
to be living like, uh--

399
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:54,100
Yeah?

400
00:19:54,167 --> 00:19:58,533
Well, like, uh...

401
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,400
Lovers.

402
00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:02,733
Swell.

403
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,167
And what'll
we do for a nursery

404
00:20:04,233 --> 00:20:06,267
when the little ones
come along?

405
00:20:08,867 --> 00:20:10,800
(door closes)

406
00:20:12,933 --> 00:20:15,000
(lisping)
It's for you, sweetie.

407
00:20:15,067 --> 00:20:17,000
We'll take it.

408
00:20:22,533 --> 00:20:25,333
(Mr. Devlin)
I think it was
a terrific idea.

409
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,067
It'll give him
a chance to sow some oats

410
00:20:27,133 --> 00:20:29,067
before he has to settle down
to those law books.

411
00:20:29,133 --> 00:20:30,067
(laughs)

412
00:20:30,133 --> 00:20:31,633
Best thing
he could have done.

413
00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:32,867
I suppose you're right,

414
00:20:32,933 --> 00:20:35,133
but I still don't understand
why all the rush.

415
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,433
The least he could have
done was discuss it with us.

416
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:38,867
Well, you know
how boys are.

417
00:20:38,933 --> 00:20:41,900
They get ideas in
their heads and, uh--

418
00:20:41,967 --> 00:20:43,533
Miss Devlin?

419
00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:49,100
Well, I think
he could have shown

420
00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:52,300
a little bit more taste
in choosing a roommate.

421
00:20:52,367 --> 00:20:53,833
Well, don't you think
you owe me

422
00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:55,300
some kind of explanation?

423
00:20:55,367 --> 00:20:57,800
We'll talk about it
sometime, baby.

424
00:21:08,633 --> 00:21:11,333
Hey, baby.

425
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,733
When do I get to
try the new workbench?

426
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,733
Not until the decorator
is through, darling.

427
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:18,733
The color scheme clashes
with your hair.

428
00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:27,867
Elliot, be a dear and put
some of this on my back.

429
00:21:27,933 --> 00:21:30,800
Sure, Marilyn.

430
00:21:30,867 --> 00:21:33,400
Uh, Charles will
be away this weekend.

431
00:21:33,467 --> 00:21:35,433
Same thing as well
as always?

432
00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:38,567
Sorry, love,
I'm taking my sabbatical.

433
00:21:38,633 --> 00:21:40,400
I take a few weeks off every
seven years,

434
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:43,767
whether I need it or not,
to recharge my batteries.

435
00:21:56,700 --> 00:21:59,633
(lively music)

436
00:21:59,700 --> 00:22:07,633
**

437
00:22:12,267 --> 00:22:14,600
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")

438
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:17,600
(whimsical music)

439
00:22:17,667 --> 00:22:20,100
**

440
00:22:20,167 --> 00:22:23,100
(lively music)

441
00:22:23,167 --> 00:22:25,433
**

442
00:22:25,500 --> 00:22:27,967
(Elliot)
I've run out of excuses
to give these broads.

443
00:22:28,067 --> 00:22:29,767
We've got to talk
this thing over right now

444
00:22:29,833 --> 00:22:31,333
and make other
arrangements.

445
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,100
Elliot, there's nothing
to talk about.

446
00:22:33,167 --> 00:22:35,067
I told you, I think I saw
that colonel downstairs

447
00:22:35,067 --> 00:22:36,167
question one
of the neighbors.

448
00:22:36,233 --> 00:22:38,200
Yeah, well, right now,
he's not my problem.

449
00:22:38,267 --> 00:22:39,633
You know if
I don't get a kiss

450
00:22:39,700 --> 00:22:42,233
two, three times a day,
I get a complex.

451
00:22:42,300 --> 00:22:44,067
I realize that, but you're
gonna have learn to--

452
00:22:44,133 --> 00:22:46,067
excuse me--
live with it.

453
00:22:46,100 --> 00:22:47,567
Yeah, well.

454
00:22:47,633 --> 00:22:49,767
How about if I
motel it with them?

455
00:22:49,833 --> 00:22:51,733
Wrong.

456
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:53,667
Yeah, but if I explain
to them that we--

457
00:22:53,733 --> 00:22:54,767
No.

458
00:22:54,833 --> 00:22:56,767
No.

459
00:22:56,833 --> 00:22:58,467
Look, Elliot, we can't
see anybody,

460
00:22:58,533 --> 00:23:00,233
we can't tell anybody.

461
00:23:00,300 --> 00:23:03,933
We've got to live like
homosexuals.

462
00:23:04,067 --> 00:23:05,467
Look, I don't want anybody

463
00:23:05,533 --> 00:23:06,967
even accidentally tripping
us up, you know?

464
00:23:07,067 --> 00:23:08,233
If they're gonna start

465
00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:09,533
sending investigators
around, and we--

466
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,200
(door opens)

467
00:23:23,233 --> 00:23:26,167
(exotic music)

468
00:23:26,233 --> 00:23:27,167
**

469
00:23:27,233 --> 00:23:28,400
Hi, there.

470
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,233
I'm Malcolm DeJohn,
your landlord.

471
00:23:32,300 --> 00:23:35,233
(playful music)

472
00:23:35,300 --> 00:23:39,100
**

473
00:23:39,167 --> 00:23:41,933
I live across
the courtyard.

474
00:23:42,067 --> 00:23:43,067
Oh, I'm Danny.

475
00:23:43,067 --> 00:23:44,967
Oh, how do you do?

476
00:23:45,067 --> 00:23:46,067
I'm Elliot.

477
00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:48,900
Well, pleased
to meet you.

478
00:23:48,967 --> 00:23:52,367
You are the muscular one,
aren't you?

479
00:23:53,967 --> 00:24:00,833
I just adore this cottage,
and I decorated it myself.

480
00:24:00,900 --> 00:24:02,267
**

481
00:24:02,333 --> 00:24:05,500
Isn't it elegant?

482
00:24:05,567 --> 00:24:08,900
**

483
00:24:08,967 --> 00:24:09,933
It's you.

484
00:24:10,067 --> 00:24:11,333
It's really you.

485
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,333
Oh, thank you, dear.

486
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,333
(lively music)

487
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:24,333
**

488
00:24:32,167 --> 00:24:34,067
Be cool, Elliot.

489
00:24:34,133 --> 00:24:38,167
(humming a tune)

490
00:24:38,233 --> 00:24:42,400
So, are you two just
getting started?

491
00:24:42,467 --> 00:24:47,100
Oh, well, actually,
you see, um, we're, uh--

492
00:24:47,167 --> 00:24:49,767
We're newlyweds.

493
00:24:49,833 --> 00:24:51,767
Oh, how wonderful.

494
00:24:51,833 --> 00:24:52,867
(exhales)

495
00:24:52,933 --> 00:24:56,167
I must tell Craig.

496
00:24:56,233 --> 00:24:57,367
Craig?

497
00:24:57,433 --> 00:24:58,933
My better half.

498
00:24:59,067 --> 00:25:01,933
Or at least,
he likes to think he is.

499
00:25:02,067 --> 00:25:06,067
But then, you know
how men are.

500
00:25:07,167 --> 00:25:08,767
Beasts, all of them.

501
00:25:08,833 --> 00:25:09,900
(Danny hits Elliot)

502
00:25:09,967 --> 00:25:12,467
Aren't they, though?

503
00:25:12,533 --> 00:25:13,600
You know,
if it weren't for

504
00:25:13,667 --> 00:25:15,567
this dreadful feeling
of insecurity

505
00:25:15,633 --> 00:25:17,433
that I've
had all my life,

506
00:25:17,500 --> 00:25:22,067
I'm not sure that I ever
would have gotten married.

507
00:25:22,133 --> 00:25:26,533
I was willing to
live in sin.

508
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:31,533
Yes, well, I prefer living
in California, myself.

509
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:34,533
It's time for me
to feed my peonies.

510
00:25:37,267 --> 00:25:39,833
(Elliot)
Your what?

511
00:25:39,900 --> 00:25:41,567
Uh, Elliot, those--
those are flowers.

512
00:25:41,633 --> 00:25:42,800
Flowers, right?

513
00:25:42,867 --> 00:25:44,700
They certainly are.

514
00:25:44,767 --> 00:25:47,133
I have the most gorgeous
peonies

515
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:48,567
in the entire country.

516
00:25:48,633 --> 00:25:50,533
I bet you have.

517
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:52,967
I'd like to
see them sometime.

518
00:25:53,067 --> 00:25:55,500
Well, I bet you would.

519
00:25:55,567 --> 00:25:57,533
Tootle-oo.

520
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,867
Uh, Mr. DeJohn, uh--

521
00:26:00,067 --> 00:26:02,167
Malcolm, Danny,
Malcolm.

522
00:26:02,233 --> 00:26:04,867
Malcolm, I'd like to
thank you for the fruit.

523
00:26:04,933 --> 00:26:06,067
You're welcome.

524
00:26:06,133 --> 00:26:07,667
And I hope that
you can come on over

525
00:26:07,733 --> 00:26:08,800
and have a drink with us
sometime.

526
00:26:08,867 --> 00:26:10,100
Oh, we'd love to.

527
00:26:10,167 --> 00:26:12,100
I'd love to meet Craig.

528
00:26:12,167 --> 00:26:15,433
Well, I'm sure
he'd love to meet you.

529
00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:17,433
Ciao.

530
00:26:18,733 --> 00:26:20,500
Do you believe that?

531
00:26:20,567 --> 00:26:22,800
Elliot, you don't put on
people like that.

532
00:26:22,867 --> 00:26:24,300
It's people like that
that go to the draft board

533
00:26:24,367 --> 00:26:26,067
and blow the whole thing.

534
00:26:26,133 --> 00:26:29,100
Temper, temper,
temper, temper.

535
00:26:31,133 --> 00:26:33,100
Elliot!

536
00:26:33,167 --> 00:26:36,800
98,

537
00:26:36,867 --> 00:26:42,567
99, 100.

538
00:26:42,633 --> 00:26:43,633
You know, it's a
good thing

539
00:26:43,700 --> 00:26:45,067
the Army
turned you down.

540
00:26:45,067 --> 00:26:47,067
You'd never make it past
the barracks scene.

541
00:26:47,067 --> 00:26:48,300
What's your problem?

542
00:26:48,367 --> 00:26:50,467
Afraid I'm gonna see your
precious little bottom?

543
00:26:50,533 --> 00:26:51,700
Or are you turning into

544
00:26:51,767 --> 00:26:53,867
a silly
little closet queen?

545
00:26:53,933 --> 00:26:56,567
I just like
my privacy, that's all.

546
00:26:56,633 --> 00:26:58,733
It's just a big game to you,
isn't it, Elliot?

547
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:00,700
Well, what else
can you call it?

548
00:27:00,767 --> 00:27:02,900
Oh, the fact that
they're probably

549
00:27:02,967 --> 00:27:04,833
watching the house at
this very moment

550
00:27:04,900 --> 00:27:07,067
doesn't seem
to worry you a bit.

551
00:27:07,067 --> 00:27:11,067
Shh! They probably
have it bugged.

552
00:27:16,300 --> 00:27:17,667
Do you think
they bugged the place?

553
00:27:17,733 --> 00:27:20,767
Absolutely.

554
00:27:20,833 --> 00:27:21,967
Oh, that's funny.

555
00:27:22,067 --> 00:27:23,867
Ha ha.

556
00:27:23,933 --> 00:27:25,067
I can see
living with you

557
00:27:25,133 --> 00:27:27,433
is just gonna be a series
of bad jokes.

558
00:27:27,500 --> 00:27:30,633
I'm gonna keep
the side by the phone, okay?

559
00:27:30,700 --> 00:27:32,967
I'm expecting a long-distance
call from Karen.

560
00:27:33,067 --> 00:27:35,167
We've got
a date tomorrow night.

561
00:27:35,233 --> 00:27:37,400
Oh, that's just great.

562
00:27:37,467 --> 00:27:39,167
I thought you were the one
that was all uptight

563
00:27:39,233 --> 00:27:40,667
about the
"no broads" routine.

564
00:27:40,733 --> 00:27:41,767
Oh, yeah, I am.

565
00:27:41,833 --> 00:27:43,900
It's just that,
well, you know,

566
00:27:43,967 --> 00:27:45,300
I don't want
her to get suspicious.

567
00:27:45,367 --> 00:27:46,733
She doesn't know anything
about this,

568
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,133
and, well,
how is it gonna look

569
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:49,867
if I suddenly pull a
disappearing act?

570
00:27:49,933 --> 00:27:52,500
After all, I am
engaged to the girl.

571
00:27:52,567 --> 00:27:54,833
That's a cop-out, buddy,
and you know it.

572
00:27:54,900 --> 00:27:56,433
You expect me
to play it straight

573
00:27:56,500 --> 00:27:57,900
while you're out with
your chick.

574
00:27:57,967 --> 00:27:59,167
Yeah, well, that's
different.

575
00:27:59,233 --> 00:28:00,567
You don't owe
those ding-a-lings of yours

576
00:28:00,633 --> 00:28:01,867
any explanation.

577
00:28:01,933 --> 00:28:04,133
It's different with Karen.

578
00:28:05,633 --> 00:28:07,067
Look, if I can just talk
to her over dinner,

579
00:28:07,133 --> 00:28:08,600
you know,
and try to fix it up

580
00:28:08,667 --> 00:28:10,233
so she doesn't get
any ideas--

581
00:28:10,300 --> 00:28:12,833
And what am I supposed
to be doing, meanwhile?

582
00:28:12,900 --> 00:28:13,967
I don't know.

583
00:28:14,067 --> 00:28:16,867
You could, uh,
read "Playboy" or, uh,

584
00:28:16,933 --> 00:28:19,833
do some push-ups in front
of the mirror.

585
00:28:19,900 --> 00:28:21,667
You could
build a model airplane.

586
00:28:21,733 --> 00:28:25,067
Oh, you're just
a sweetheart.

587
00:28:36,300 --> 00:28:37,567
Peace.

588
00:28:37,633 --> 00:28:40,100
Lovers should never
go to be angry.

589
00:28:40,167 --> 00:28:41,900
(laughs)

590
00:28:41,967 --> 00:28:42,900
Look, Elliot.

591
00:28:42,967 --> 00:28:43,900
(groans)

592
00:28:43,967 --> 00:28:45,067
I'm sorry.

593
00:28:45,067 --> 00:28:46,733
I didn't know this thing
would get this heavy.

594
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,667
It's not turning out
anything like I'd planned.

595
00:28:48,733 --> 00:28:50,067
I figured, uh, once
we snowed them

596
00:28:50,100 --> 00:28:51,633
down at the
draft board, that was it.

597
00:28:51,700 --> 00:28:52,767
Ah, forget it.

598
00:28:52,833 --> 00:28:54,267
But there's something
you ought to know.

599
00:28:54,333 --> 00:28:55,700
Hmm?

600
00:28:55,767 --> 00:28:57,400
You're
not the first man

601
00:28:57,467 --> 00:28:59,767
I've ever gone to
bed with.

602
00:28:59,833 --> 00:29:00,867
When I was a kid,

603
00:29:00,933 --> 00:29:02,667
I used to sack in with
my father.

604
00:29:02,733 --> 00:29:05,667
(comical music)

605
00:29:05,733 --> 00:29:08,433
**

606
00:29:08,500 --> 00:29:11,433
(lively music)

607
00:29:11,500 --> 00:29:19,433
**

608
00:29:45,500 --> 00:29:48,100
(knocks on door)

609
00:29:55,500 --> 00:29:57,267
Good morning.

610
00:29:57,333 --> 00:29:58,700
Could I
borrow a couple of eggs

611
00:29:58,767 --> 00:30:00,433
and some oregano,
if you have some?

612
00:30:00,500 --> 00:30:01,900
Mm-hmm.

613
00:30:01,967 --> 00:30:03,033
Come on in, Malcolm.

614
00:30:03,100 --> 00:30:04,033
Oh, thank you.

615
00:30:04,100 --> 00:30:05,067
I was in the middle

616
00:30:05,133 --> 00:30:06,767
of whipping up
a little surprise for Craig,

617
00:30:06,833 --> 00:30:09,933
and I ran out, and you
can't make this very--

618
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:13,467
My God,
what's happening here?

619
00:30:13,533 --> 00:30:15,200
Oh!

620
00:30:15,267 --> 00:30:16,600
Looks like
you had a fistfight

621
00:30:16,667 --> 00:30:19,033
with Julia Child.

622
00:30:19,100 --> 00:30:20,900
Yeah, well, I'm trying to
make breakfast.

623
00:30:20,967 --> 00:30:23,267
Uh, I'm really not
too much of a hand

624
00:30:23,333 --> 00:30:24,267
in the kitchen.

625
00:30:24,333 --> 00:30:25,267
Say no more.

626
00:30:25,333 --> 00:30:26,600
I understand, darling.

627
00:30:26,667 --> 00:30:27,933
(groans)

628
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,233
When Craig and
I were first married,

629
00:30:29,300 --> 00:30:31,333
I didn't know a thing
about cooking, either.

630
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:34,767
I used to dress
a turkey in Levi's.

631
00:30:34,833 --> 00:30:37,167
In fact, on our very first
wedding anniversary,

632
00:30:37,233 --> 00:30:38,700
Craig gave me a cookbook,

633
00:30:38,767 --> 00:30:40,933
and I gave him
a stomach pump.

634
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:42,567
Why don't you
run upstairs, darling?

635
00:30:42,633 --> 00:30:44,267
Let me take care
of this.

636
00:30:44,333 --> 00:30:45,600
Oh, I--
I don't want to--

637
00:30:45,667 --> 00:30:46,867
I don't want to put you
to any trouble.

638
00:30:46,933 --> 00:30:48,000
It's no trouble at all.

639
00:30:48,067 --> 00:30:49,000
Now, come on,
run along.

640
00:30:49,067 --> 00:30:50,033
Shoo, shoo.

641
00:30:50,100 --> 00:30:51,233
Come on, let your
fairy godmother

642
00:30:51,300 --> 00:30:53,000
get her wand working.

643
00:30:53,067 --> 00:30:55,433
Thank you.
You're welcome.

644
00:30:56,833 --> 00:30:59,567
(hums)

645
00:31:01,067 --> 00:31:03,933
(flamenco music)

646
00:31:04,067 --> 00:31:11,933
**

647
00:31:23,900 --> 00:31:25,600
Do you like the music?

648
00:31:25,667 --> 00:31:27,067
It's all right.

649
00:31:27,100 --> 00:31:29,267
Our interior-decorating
landlord, uh,

650
00:31:29,333 --> 00:31:30,933
came over
to borrow some eggs,

651
00:31:31,067 --> 00:31:34,833
and he's offered to cook
me breakfast.

652
00:31:36,633 --> 00:31:38,467
Oh, really?

653
00:31:38,533 --> 00:31:41,300
You two are getting
awfully chummy.

654
00:31:41,367 --> 00:31:42,367
Better watch out.

655
00:31:42,433 --> 00:31:44,233
Craig's liable to get
jealous.

656
00:31:44,300 --> 00:31:45,500
Aw, no.

657
00:31:45,567 --> 00:31:46,933
Malcolm's just
being friendly.

658
00:31:47,067 --> 00:31:49,667
Oh, sure he is.

659
00:31:49,733 --> 00:31:52,133
I mean, he hasn't tried to
touch me or anything.

660
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:54,333
I bet.

661
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:56,400
Anyway, I'll bet he cooks
better than you do.

662
00:31:56,467 --> 00:31:58,667
(razor buzzing)

663
00:31:58,733 --> 00:32:00,733
I doubt it.

664
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:05,267
**

665
00:32:05,333 --> 00:32:08,267
("Toreador Song"
from "Carmen")

666
00:32:08,333 --> 00:32:16,267
**

667
00:33:23,967 --> 00:33:24,900
Hi, Malcolm.

668
00:33:24,967 --> 00:33:26,767
Oh, good morning,
Hercules.

669
00:33:26,833 --> 00:33:27,900
Why don't you
go sit right down?

670
00:33:27,967 --> 00:33:29,300
Breakfast will be ready
in a jiff.

671
00:33:29,367 --> 00:33:30,500
No, I've got to rush.

672
00:33:30,567 --> 00:33:31,733
(inhales)

673
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:32,933
Oh, that
smells terrific!

674
00:33:33,067 --> 00:33:34,667
Why, of course
it's terrific.

675
00:33:34,733 --> 00:33:36,600
It's my secret recipe.

676
00:33:36,667 --> 00:33:38,767
Montezuma madness.

677
00:33:38,833 --> 00:33:40,767
Maria Montana
served it to her lover

678
00:33:40,833 --> 00:33:42,567
in "The Sign of the
Cobra Queen."

679
00:33:42,633 --> 00:33:44,533
Malcolm, take it easy
with the kid.

680
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:45,533
Don't spoil him.

681
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:46,833
He's tough enough to
live with.

682
00:33:46,900 --> 00:33:49,067
Oh, Elliot, I wouldn't
dream of spoiling Danny.

683
00:33:49,133 --> 00:33:50,967
It's hard enough
with Craig,

684
00:33:51,067 --> 00:33:52,600
and he loves my cooking so,

685
00:33:52,667 --> 00:33:53,800
I practically have to
beg him

686
00:33:53,867 --> 00:33:57,100
to take me
out to a restaurant.

687
00:33:57,167 --> 00:33:59,100
You know, I think
I will try a little.

688
00:33:59,167 --> 00:34:00,467
I knew you
couldn't resist it.

689
00:34:00,533 --> 00:34:03,433
Neither
could John Hall.

690
00:34:03,500 --> 00:34:07,567
You're not going to eat
my omelet like that.

691
00:34:07,633 --> 00:34:09,667
You're right.

692
00:34:12,367 --> 00:34:14,300
(groans)

693
00:34:14,367 --> 00:34:17,300
("Toreador Song"
from "Carmen")

694
00:34:17,367 --> 00:34:20,633
**

695
00:34:20,700 --> 00:34:21,633
Just what it needed.

696
00:34:21,700 --> 00:34:22,667
See you later, Mal.

697
00:34:22,733 --> 00:34:24,067
Carumba!

698
00:34:25,967 --> 00:34:28,067
(Mrs. Devlin)
What a charming place.

699
00:34:28,100 --> 00:34:30,067
It's so quaint.

700
00:34:30,133 --> 00:34:32,833
(footfalls)

701
00:34:32,900 --> 00:34:34,600
Hi, uh, what are you
doing here?

702
00:34:34,667 --> 00:34:35,967
Well, we thought we'd
stop by

703
00:34:36,067 --> 00:34:38,167
and see how you two bachelors
were making out.

704
00:34:38,233 --> 00:34:40,700
Oh, we're just
making out fine.

705
00:34:40,767 --> 00:34:41,867
It sure looks that way.

706
00:34:41,933 --> 00:34:42,933
I may even move in here
with you

707
00:34:43,067 --> 00:34:44,200
for a few days myself.

708
00:34:44,267 --> 00:34:45,500
(laughs)
Great.

709
00:34:45,567 --> 00:34:48,233
Uh, the door's open.

710
00:34:48,300 --> 00:34:50,233
Thanks, Elliot.

711
00:34:56,100 --> 00:34:57,067
Danny!

712
00:34:57,100 --> 00:34:58,167
(Malcolm)
Oh, hello.

713
00:34:58,233 --> 00:35:00,500
I'm Malcolm DeJohn,
Danny's landlord.

714
00:35:00,567 --> 00:35:02,067
Well, I'm
Danny's mother.

715
00:35:02,133 --> 00:35:04,300
Oh, well,
how do you do?

716
00:35:04,367 --> 00:35:05,767
I'm Danny's father.

717
00:35:05,833 --> 00:35:06,767
Oh, how do you do?

718
00:35:06,833 --> 00:35:08,333
How do you do?

719
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:10,333
Mom!

720
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:11,733
Dad!

721
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:14,333
Dad, what-- what--
What are you doing?

722
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:15,333
We just happened to be
in the neighborhood

723
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:16,500
and thought we'd stop by.

724
00:35:16,567 --> 00:35:19,233
Oh, well, I came over to
borrow some oregano,

725
00:35:19,300 --> 00:35:21,267
and Danny
was lost in the kitchen.

726
00:35:21,333 --> 00:35:22,267
Uh, Mal--
Malcolm offered

727
00:35:22,333 --> 00:35:23,267
to make me breakfast.

728
00:35:23,333 --> 00:35:24,700
Well, that's very sweet
of you.

729
00:35:24,767 --> 00:35:26,433
Danny,
I love your cottage.

730
00:35:26,500 --> 00:35:27,867
It's so, um--

731
00:35:27,933 --> 00:35:28,867
Well, actually,

732
00:35:28,933 --> 00:35:30,067
we haven't had
a chance,

733
00:35:30,100 --> 00:35:31,200
you know,
to straighten--

734
00:35:31,267 --> 00:35:32,500
Malcolm, are we
keeping you?

735
00:35:32,567 --> 00:35:33,900
Oh, no, no,
not at all.

736
00:35:33,967 --> 00:35:34,967
Go.

737
00:35:35,067 --> 00:35:36,067
Why don't you show them
the cottage?

738
00:35:36,100 --> 00:35:37,500
I know they'll adore it.

739
00:35:37,567 --> 00:35:39,100
Danny, what is this?

740
00:35:41,500 --> 00:35:43,900
Oh, it's a statue...

741
00:35:43,967 --> 00:35:46,267
Of, uh, two wrestlers.

742
00:35:46,333 --> 00:35:48,900
But they're not wearing
any clothes.

743
00:35:48,967 --> 00:35:50,767
Right.

744
00:35:50,833 --> 00:35:52,833
Well, you know how
the Greeks do it, Dad.

745
00:35:52,900 --> 00:35:54,667
Oh, yeah, sure.

746
00:35:54,733 --> 00:35:56,767
Well, it's
a lovely place.

747
00:35:56,833 --> 00:35:59,767
It's so quaint.

748
00:36:01,733 --> 00:36:05,567
Oh, I must call Delores and
have her see this place.

749
00:36:06,867 --> 00:36:10,567
Uh, Mom, uh, it's
so messy upstairs.

750
00:36:10,633 --> 00:36:13,567
Oh, that's all right.

751
00:36:13,633 --> 00:36:15,333
Everything all right,
Danny?

752
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:16,433
Need any money?

753
00:36:16,500 --> 00:36:17,433
(Mrs. Devlin)
Barney!

754
00:36:17,500 --> 00:36:18,433
Oh, no, no.

755
00:36:18,500 --> 00:36:21,433
You must come
and see this.

756
00:36:26,267 --> 00:36:29,833
(Danny)
Dad, about the bedroom,
uh, it's not exactly--

757
00:36:29,900 --> 00:36:33,400
Well, well,
I never expected

758
00:36:33,467 --> 00:36:35,667
anything quite
like this.

759
00:36:35,733 --> 00:36:38,400
Yeah, uh, well,
you see,

760
00:36:38,467 --> 00:36:40,467
two women
lived here before we did,

761
00:36:40,533 --> 00:36:42,867
and we haven't had a chance
to change it yet.

762
00:36:42,933 --> 00:36:44,067
Yeah.

763
00:36:44,100 --> 00:36:46,333
They had rather strong
taste, didn't they?

764
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:47,367
(laughs)

765
00:36:47,433 --> 00:36:48,700
Where does
Elliot sleep?

766
00:36:48,767 --> 00:36:50,133
Elliot?

767
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:51,133
Yes.

768
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:52,567
Show me his room.

769
00:36:52,633 --> 00:36:54,233
Uh, well, no, that--
That's not his room.

770
00:36:54,300 --> 00:36:57,300
See, this is,
uh-- This is the bathroom.

771
00:37:03,700 --> 00:37:06,333
Oh, it's a one-bedroom
apartment,

772
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:08,900
but, uh,
we're gonna get a couch

773
00:37:08,967 --> 00:37:11,367
for downstairs that pulls
out into a bed.

774
00:37:11,433 --> 00:37:13,567
That's good.

775
00:37:20,633 --> 00:37:24,667
Uh, that belonged to the
girls who lived here before.

776
00:37:27,700 --> 00:37:31,867
Well, Dad, you've, uh--
you've seen it all.

777
00:37:31,933 --> 00:37:35,067
I'm sorry you and Mom couldn't
have stayed longer.

778
00:37:40,300 --> 00:37:42,433
Charming.

779
00:37:43,967 --> 00:37:46,500
Uh, Mom, would you
excuse us a second?

780
00:37:46,567 --> 00:37:47,767
Listen, Dad, I wanted to
talk to you

781
00:37:47,833 --> 00:37:48,767
about the
color of the room.

782
00:37:48,833 --> 00:37:49,867
You know, pink.

783
00:37:49,933 --> 00:37:51,233
Well, I don't like
pink either.

784
00:37:51,300 --> 00:37:53,267
We're gonna
get some brown paint,

785
00:37:53,333 --> 00:37:54,267
and I think it'll look
really good,

786
00:37:54,333 --> 00:37:55,767
dark brown, huh?

787
00:37:55,833 --> 00:37:58,767
(Malcolm)
Oh, Mrs. Devlin.

788
00:38:00,967 --> 00:38:03,467
That's one of Freddie's,
isn't it?

789
00:38:03,533 --> 00:38:05,600
Freddie?
Freddie Brache.

790
00:38:05,667 --> 00:38:07,700
I'd know one
of his designs anywhere.

791
00:38:07,767 --> 00:38:09,400
Why, yes.

792
00:38:09,467 --> 00:38:10,600
I didn't know men

793
00:38:10,667 --> 00:38:11,900
appreciated such
things.

794
00:38:11,967 --> 00:38:14,133
Well, not all men do.

795
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:15,933
Uh, listen, you know,
uh, I hope--

796
00:38:16,067 --> 00:38:17,167
I hope you'll be
able to come up to,

797
00:38:17,233 --> 00:38:19,900
uh, campus this fall,
uh, to see

798
00:38:19,967 --> 00:38:20,900
some of the football
games, you and Mom.

799
00:38:20,967 --> 00:38:23,567
SC is playing up
there this year.

800
00:38:23,633 --> 00:38:25,900
(Malcolm)
That color is
yummy for you,

801
00:38:25,967 --> 00:38:28,233
and it adds a very youthful
line to your figure.

802
00:38:28,300 --> 00:38:29,600
Oh, do you
really think so?

803
00:38:29,667 --> 00:38:31,100
Oh, I do, indeed.

804
00:38:31,167 --> 00:38:32,600
Danny's very lucky
to have

805
00:38:32,667 --> 00:38:34,567
such a
lovely-looking mother.

806
00:38:34,633 --> 00:38:36,667
Well, you know,
as a matter of fact,

807
00:38:36,733 --> 00:38:39,933
I was very young when
Danny was born.

808
00:38:40,067 --> 00:38:41,667
I'm sure you were.

809
00:38:41,733 --> 00:38:43,433
Evelyn, I--

810
00:38:43,500 --> 00:38:45,067
I must rush.

811
00:38:45,100 --> 00:38:47,433
I have to
get back to my souffle.

812
00:38:47,500 --> 00:38:49,767
So nice to have met
you, Mr. DeJohn.

813
00:38:49,833 --> 00:38:52,667
My pleasure.

814
00:38:52,733 --> 00:38:54,967
Uh, Danny, I put
the omelet in the oven.

815
00:38:55,067 --> 00:38:57,133
Please try and eat it
before it gets cold.

816
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:58,600
(laughs)

817
00:38:58,667 --> 00:39:01,767
Au revoir, Mrs. Devlin.

818
00:39:03,367 --> 00:39:05,267
Isn't he marvelous?

819
00:39:05,333 --> 00:39:07,567
Yeah.
Isn't he?

820
00:39:07,633 --> 00:39:09,533
Uh, Evelyn, I have to be
on the first tee by 11:00.

821
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:10,867
Good-bye, darling.

822
00:39:10,933 --> 00:39:12,433
Good-bye, Mom.
Good-bye, Danny.

823
00:39:12,500 --> 00:39:14,267
Dad.

824
00:39:14,333 --> 00:39:16,267
Thanks for coming over.

825
00:39:16,333 --> 00:39:18,867
I'm so glad Danny
found such a lovely place.

826
00:39:18,933 --> 00:39:21,467
Karen's going to be thrilled
when she sees it.

827
00:39:24,067 --> 00:39:26,467
And he has
such nice neighbors.

828
00:39:36,133 --> 00:39:38,767
**

829
00:39:38,833 --> 00:39:40,767
Thank you,
it's very good.

830
00:39:40,833 --> 00:39:43,433
Oh, honey, that
sounds fantastic.

831
00:39:43,500 --> 00:39:45,267
Well, it's a lot
better than living at home,

832
00:39:45,333 --> 00:39:46,300
I'll tell you that.

833
00:39:46,367 --> 00:39:47,533
Do you want another
brandy?

834
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:50,267
Mm-hmm, but I'd like it
over at your place.

835
00:39:50,333 --> 00:39:52,067
I'm dying to see it.

836
00:39:52,067 --> 00:39:55,067
Well, you will, you know, but,
well, we just moved in,

837
00:39:55,133 --> 00:39:58,100
and the place is a mess,
things all over the floor.

838
00:39:58,167 --> 00:40:00,933
Oh, I wish we finally had
a place to ourselves

839
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:04,167
and I could cook and
play house with you.

840
00:40:04,233 --> 00:40:06,900
Baby, just as soon as
I start school,

841
00:40:06,967 --> 00:40:08,667
you'll fly
out of San Francisco

842
00:40:08,733 --> 00:40:10,100
and live with me in
Palo Alto.

843
00:40:10,167 --> 00:40:11,567
I know.

844
00:40:11,633 --> 00:40:13,267
I wish we could get
started right now.

845
00:40:13,333 --> 00:40:16,500
Well, we
could get started.

846
00:40:16,567 --> 00:40:18,500
What's happening back at
your place tonight?

847
00:40:18,567 --> 00:40:20,167
Not much.

848
00:40:20,233 --> 00:40:21,600
Uh, let's see.

849
00:40:21,667 --> 00:40:24,233
Joyce is in Denver,
Carolyn's in Chicago,

850
00:40:24,300 --> 00:40:26,333
and one of them
is due back

851
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:29,567
tonight around midnight.

852
00:40:29,633 --> 00:40:32,767
Well, that gives us
about enough time.

853
00:40:32,833 --> 00:40:36,433
Uh, Danny,
couldn't we please

854
00:40:36,500 --> 00:40:37,667
go back to your place?

855
00:40:37,733 --> 00:40:39,033
I promise, I'll keep
my eyes closed

856
00:40:39,100 --> 00:40:40,033
until the lights go out.

857
00:40:40,100 --> 00:40:41,200
I promise
I won't see a mess.

858
00:40:41,267 --> 00:40:43,333
Honey, look, it's--
It's really a bad idea.

859
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,333
Elliot's probably home and,
look,

860
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:47,200
you've got a flight tomorrow
morning at 9:30 anyway,

861
00:40:47,267 --> 00:40:48,267
don't you?

862
00:40:48,333 --> 00:40:49,933
Hmm, that's true.

863
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:51,000
But next time,

864
00:40:51,067 --> 00:40:53,567
let's make some better
arrangements.

865
00:40:53,633 --> 00:40:56,000
Look, I will next time.

866
00:40:56,067 --> 00:40:57,633
You just have to have
patience with me.

867
00:40:57,700 --> 00:40:59,733
Things have
been so frantic lately.

868
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:01,767
I don't even know what's
gonna happen next.

869
00:41:01,833 --> 00:41:03,067
It's only a copy,

870
00:41:03,133 --> 00:41:05,133
but it's, uh,
Michelangelo's David,

871
00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:07,933
and I fell in love with it
when I first saw it.

872
00:41:08,067 --> 00:41:09,833
As a matter of fact,
Craig and I thought

873
00:41:09,900 --> 00:41:11,900
it would be kind of heaven
for your living room.

874
00:41:11,967 --> 00:41:13,233
You know, I-- I don't
want you people

875
00:41:13,300 --> 00:41:14,800
going to any
extra expenses or anything.

876
00:41:14,867 --> 00:41:16,067
Oh, nonsense, Danny,

877
00:41:16,133 --> 00:41:18,667
and I know exactly where
to put it.

878
00:41:18,733 --> 00:41:20,167
You know, Danny,

879
00:41:20,233 --> 00:41:22,100
"Home Beautiful"
wanted to do a spread,

880
00:41:22,167 --> 00:41:25,667
but just the idea
sounded vulgar.

881
00:41:26,733 --> 00:41:30,233
You know,
seeing the two of you

882
00:41:30,300 --> 00:41:31,433
getting started like this

883
00:41:31,500 --> 00:41:34,100
is reminiscent
of Malcolm and myself

884
00:41:34,167 --> 00:41:36,400
when we were first
married.

885
00:41:36,467 --> 00:41:38,400
Oh, yeah?

886
00:41:38,467 --> 00:41:40,467
The struggle we had
in the beginning,

887
00:41:40,533 --> 00:41:42,533
trying to adjust.

888
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:44,233
Well, you know what
they say.

889
00:41:44,300 --> 00:41:45,867
Give a little,
take a little.

890
00:41:45,933 --> 00:41:47,200
How true.

891
00:41:47,267 --> 00:41:51,500
God knows, Malcolm isn't the
easiest person to live with.

892
00:41:51,567 --> 00:41:54,367
High-strung, temperamental.

893
00:41:54,433 --> 00:41:56,333
You've got to watch
every word you say to him.

894
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:58,233
The slightest thing is
liable to set him off

895
00:41:58,300 --> 00:41:59,433
on one of his tantrums.

896
00:41:59,500 --> 00:42:01,933
Jeez, I thought you two
were made for each other.

897
00:42:02,067 --> 00:42:03,433
I know,

898
00:42:03,500 --> 00:42:07,567
but believe me,
it hasn't been easy.

899
00:42:07,633 --> 00:42:10,233
It started off as the
usual physical thing.

900
00:42:10,300 --> 00:42:12,433
You know, just
a plain pick-up.

901
00:42:12,500 --> 00:42:14,433
Been through it myself.

902
00:42:14,500 --> 00:42:18,867
But how long can one keep
up these casual affairs?

903
00:42:18,933 --> 00:42:21,100
You get
tired of cruising.

904
00:42:21,167 --> 00:42:23,700
It gets so depressing
after a while.

905
00:42:23,767 --> 00:42:26,567
It's just the same
old thing,

906
00:42:26,633 --> 00:42:29,367
over and over again.

907
00:42:29,433 --> 00:42:32,167
It leaves you feeling
so-- so--

908
00:42:32,233 --> 00:42:33,233
Drained.

909
00:42:33,300 --> 00:42:34,867
Exactly.

910
00:42:34,933 --> 00:42:36,133
Before I met Malcolm,

911
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:38,600
I was married
to a real tramp.

912
00:42:38,667 --> 00:42:41,600
I couldn't trust him
alone for a minute.

913
00:42:41,667 --> 00:42:44,900
The breakup
was very messy.

914
00:42:44,967 --> 00:42:46,167
I can imagine.

915
00:42:46,233 --> 00:42:48,067
The anguish of trying
to explain it

916
00:42:48,100 --> 00:42:50,167
to your friends,
realizing all the time

917
00:42:50,233 --> 00:42:52,400
that she had probably
been intimate with them.

918
00:42:52,467 --> 00:42:54,567
The utter humiliation
of it.

919
00:42:54,633 --> 00:42:55,800
Well, you know what
I say.

920
00:42:55,867 --> 00:42:59,800
Love them and leave them.

921
00:42:59,867 --> 00:43:03,933
(quiet conversation)

922
00:43:04,067 --> 00:43:05,100
Isn't that lovely?

923
00:43:05,167 --> 00:43:06,733
Yeah.

924
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:08,300
It seem appropriate.

925
00:43:08,367 --> 00:43:10,100
Tell me, how have
you and Danny

926
00:43:10,167 --> 00:43:13,800
managed to make
a steady thing of it?

927
00:43:13,867 --> 00:43:15,767
Well, we-- I guess

928
00:43:15,833 --> 00:43:19,433
it was love at first
sight, I guess.

929
00:43:19,500 --> 00:43:21,133
We took one look at
each other, and we knew

930
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:23,933
we were destined
for one another.

931
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:28,900
How romantic.

932
00:43:30,067 --> 00:43:32,433
You never tell me
anything like that.

933
00:43:32,500 --> 00:43:34,100
What do you
expect after seven years?

934
00:43:34,167 --> 00:43:35,333
Omar Sharif?

935
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:37,067
Yes.

936
00:43:37,100 --> 00:43:38,333
(laughs)

937
00:43:39,500 --> 00:43:43,500
(knocks on door)

938
00:43:50,167 --> 00:43:52,133
Hi.
Hi.

939
00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:54,733
Wow, we sure had a hard time
finding this place.

940
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,933
Who are you guys
hiding from, the FBI?

941
00:44:05,533 --> 00:44:06,733
Hi.

942
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:08,067
Mwah!

943
00:44:08,067 --> 00:44:10,100
I hate to admit it,
lover boy,

944
00:44:10,167 --> 00:44:12,667
but, uh, you know, you've
only been gone a few days,

945
00:44:12,733 --> 00:44:14,200
and already
I'm beginning to miss

946
00:44:14,267 --> 00:44:17,100
your homely little face
around the house.

947
00:44:17,167 --> 00:44:18,467
How'd you find us?

948
00:44:18,533 --> 00:44:20,400
Well, your roommate
invited Bunny over,

949
00:44:20,467 --> 00:44:21,800
and we were out shopping,

950
00:44:21,867 --> 00:44:24,633
so I decided to
come along with her.

951
00:44:24,700 --> 00:44:26,300
You don't mind, do you?

952
00:44:26,367 --> 00:44:28,067
Oh, no, no.

953
00:44:28,067 --> 00:44:31,067
I thought I told you
to call first.

954
00:44:31,133 --> 00:44:33,700
Oh, dear.

955
00:44:33,767 --> 00:44:35,500
Oh, I'm sorry.

956
00:44:35,567 --> 00:44:38,467
Craig, Malcolm,
this is my sister Leslie.

957
00:44:38,533 --> 00:44:39,767
How do you do?

958
00:44:39,833 --> 00:44:40,933
How do you do?
Hello.

959
00:44:41,067 --> 00:44:41,967
Hi.

960
00:44:42,067 --> 00:44:44,833
And, uh, this is Bunny over
here.

961
00:44:44,900 --> 00:44:46,700
Hi.

962
00:44:46,767 --> 00:44:48,767
Why don't you
just sit down?

963
00:44:48,833 --> 00:44:49,867
I'm sorry, Danny,

964
00:44:49,933 --> 00:44:51,367
I didn't know
you had guests.

965
00:44:51,433 --> 00:44:53,200
Oh, uh, we're not guests.

966
00:44:53,267 --> 00:44:54,300
You see, actually,

967
00:44:54,367 --> 00:44:55,700
Craig and I
live across the courtyard.

968
00:44:55,767 --> 00:44:57,800
It's just one big family.

969
00:44:57,867 --> 00:44:58,967
Oh.

970
00:44:59,067 --> 00:45:00,767
Well, my mom told me
all about this place,

971
00:45:00,833 --> 00:45:02,100
so I just thought
I'd come around

972
00:45:02,167 --> 00:45:03,833
and look for myself.

973
00:45:03,900 --> 00:45:05,900
Somebody, uh,
sure is queer

974
00:45:05,967 --> 00:45:09,200
for nudes around
here, aren't they?

975
00:45:12,333 --> 00:45:16,933
Oh, you sure did look silly
in my dress the other night.

976
00:45:17,067 --> 00:45:17,933
(giggles)

977
00:45:18,067 --> 00:45:19,367
Oh, dear.

978
00:45:19,433 --> 00:45:21,333
Bunny,

979
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:22,333
uh, why don't we,

980
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:26,067
uh, go upstairs and
look at the bedroom.

981
00:45:26,100 --> 00:45:27,067
(Bunny)
Oh!

982
00:45:27,100 --> 00:45:28,067
(giggles)

983
00:45:29,667 --> 00:45:32,233
(Malcolm)
Daniel,

984
00:45:32,300 --> 00:45:33,333
why didn't you tell us

985
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:35,067
that you have such
a lovely sister?

986
00:45:35,100 --> 00:45:36,133
She's adorable.

987
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:37,267
In fact,
they both are.

988
00:45:37,333 --> 00:45:40,467
Oh, they're all right,
if you dig girls.

989
00:45:44,300 --> 00:45:46,500
Well, I have
a sister too.

990
00:45:46,567 --> 00:45:48,667
Oh, really?

991
00:45:48,733 --> 00:45:49,767
Recently married.

992
00:45:49,833 --> 00:45:51,800
She married a lovely
Olympic swimmer.

993
00:45:51,867 --> 00:45:53,267
Tell me.

994
00:45:53,333 --> 00:45:55,900
And the wedding
was gorgeous.

995
00:45:55,967 --> 00:45:58,067
The best man
gave the groom away,

996
00:45:58,067 --> 00:46:00,167
my father gave the
bride away,

997
00:46:00,233 --> 00:46:04,333
and the fact that I
wanted to be flower girl

998
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:06,067
gave me away.

999
00:46:06,067 --> 00:46:07,333
(laughs)

1000
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:10,333
(laughs)

1001
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:12,133
(laughs)

1002
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:13,800
I bet it did.

1003
00:46:13,867 --> 00:46:17,867
(women giggling)

1004
00:46:17,933 --> 00:46:19,500
Oh, dear!

1005
00:46:19,567 --> 00:46:22,300
Oh, Danny, it's
really too much.

1006
00:46:22,367 --> 00:46:25,200
Who's your decorator--
Tiny Tim?

1007
00:46:26,633 --> 00:46:28,600
My dear child,

1008
00:46:28,667 --> 00:46:32,267
I decorated every inch
of this cottage myself.

1009
00:46:32,333 --> 00:46:33,733
Tiny Tim?

1010
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:35,267
Really.

1011
00:46:37,733 --> 00:46:40,767
Oh, dig this crazy
bug bomb I found.

1012
00:46:40,833 --> 00:46:41,900
(sprays)

1013
00:46:41,967 --> 00:46:44,567
Sweet child,
that crazy bug bomb

1014
00:46:44,633 --> 00:46:48,067
is worth about $5
a squirt.

1015
00:46:48,067 --> 00:46:51,067
Oh, dear.

1016
00:46:53,900 --> 00:46:56,267
Well, excuse us.

1017
00:46:56,333 --> 00:46:59,100
Guess I can tell when
we're not wanted.

1018
00:46:59,167 --> 00:47:01,233
Come on, Bunny,
let's get out of here.

1019
00:47:03,867 --> 00:47:05,167
Oh!

1020
00:47:08,533 --> 00:47:10,100
Hang around awhile.

1021
00:47:10,167 --> 00:47:11,133
They'll be leaving soon.

1022
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:12,333
Don't bother, Bunny.

1023
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:14,633
It's obvious you'd rather
spend your time

1024
00:47:14,700 --> 00:47:16,667
with your neighbors.

1025
00:47:16,733 --> 00:47:17,667
Bye.

1026
00:47:17,733 --> 00:47:19,667
Come on, Bu--

1027
00:47:21,500 --> 00:47:23,233
(door slams)

1028
00:47:23,300 --> 00:47:26,167
Look, I'm-- I'm terribly
sorry about that.

1029
00:47:26,233 --> 00:47:28,400
Oh, it's all right, Danny.

1030
00:47:28,467 --> 00:47:31,333
Danny, I want to
talk to you.

1031
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:33,600
Uh, would you excuse me
a second, please?

1032
00:47:33,667 --> 00:47:35,233
Certainly.

1033
00:47:39,300 --> 00:47:41,433
Talk about being uncool.

1034
00:47:41,500 --> 00:47:42,600
Hey, now,
wait a minute.

1035
00:47:42,667 --> 00:47:43,767
Whose idea was it to
invite them

1036
00:47:43,833 --> 00:47:44,867
in the first place?

1037
00:47:44,933 --> 00:47:47,233
Look, Elliot,
I thought that--

1038
00:47:47,300 --> 00:47:49,600
that we had an
agreement.

1039
00:47:51,067 --> 00:47:58,933
(hushed argument)

1040
00:48:04,067 --> 00:48:05,733
I don't know about you,
but I'm hurting.

1041
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:06,900
Do you want them
to hear us?

1042
00:48:06,967 --> 00:48:08,567
What do I care
if they hear me?

1043
00:48:08,633 --> 00:48:11,267
Look, you can take this
whole scene and shove it,

1044
00:48:11,333 --> 00:48:12,600
for my money.

1045
00:48:12,667 --> 00:48:14,933
Look, if I don't start
getting a little,

1046
00:48:15,067 --> 00:48:16,933
I'm gonna
wind up a basket case.

1047
00:48:17,067 --> 00:48:20,100
Why don't you broadcast it
to the whole world?

1048
00:48:27,233 --> 00:48:29,767
Where'd everyone go?

1049
00:48:29,833 --> 00:48:32,433
Where do you think
everyone went?

1050
00:48:32,500 --> 00:48:34,533
Look, Elliot,
if Malcolm and Craig

1051
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:35,933
think that we've been
putting them on,

1052
00:48:36,067 --> 00:48:36,967
they could go
right to that colonel

1053
00:48:37,067 --> 00:48:38,600
and spill the whole
thing for us.

1054
00:48:38,667 --> 00:48:40,333
Where are you going?

1055
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:43,233
Well, I'm gonna go and
try and straighten it out.

1056
00:48:43,300 --> 00:48:44,833
Straighten them out?

1057
00:48:44,900 --> 00:48:46,567
(sprays)

1058
00:48:46,633 --> 00:48:48,900
Impossible.

1059
00:48:51,167 --> 00:48:52,967
(spraying)
$5.

1060
00:48:53,067 --> 00:48:58,167
10, 15, 20, 25, 30.

1061
00:48:59,567 --> 00:49:01,167
(knocks on door)

1062
00:49:03,967 --> 00:49:05,233
Hi, Craig, listen.
Hi.

1063
00:49:05,300 --> 00:49:06,233
I wanted to apologize.

1064
00:49:06,300 --> 00:49:07,233
Oh, don't be silly.

1065
00:49:07,300 --> 00:49:08,367
Come on in.
Thank you.

1066
00:49:08,433 --> 00:49:09,367
Make yourself at home.

1067
00:49:09,433 --> 00:49:10,367
(Malcolm)
Who is it, dear?

1068
00:49:10,433 --> 00:49:11,367
It's Danny.

1069
00:49:11,433 --> 00:49:12,700
Here, take a seat.

1070
00:49:12,767 --> 00:49:13,767
Danny.

1071
00:49:13,833 --> 00:49:15,467
Hi, Malcolm.
Hello.

1072
00:49:15,533 --> 00:49:16,600
I-- I love
your rug.

1073
00:49:16,667 --> 00:49:18,633
Oh, isn't
Beulah heaven?

1074
00:49:18,700 --> 00:49:22,267
I trapped her under
the sink.

1075
00:49:22,333 --> 00:49:23,900
Uh--
What's going on?

1076
00:49:23,967 --> 00:49:25,433
Well, I-- I wanted
to apologize

1077
00:49:25,500 --> 00:49:27,100
to the both of you for
the scene that was caused.

1078
00:49:27,167 --> 00:49:28,867
I-- I had
no idea that Elliot

1079
00:49:28,933 --> 00:49:30,067
was gonna invite
anybody over.

1080
00:49:30,067 --> 00:49:31,467
Well, Danny,
first of all,

1081
00:49:31,533 --> 00:49:33,333
you don't have to
apologize.

1082
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:34,967
Good Lord,
Craig and I

1083
00:49:35,067 --> 00:49:36,233
have had our ups
and downs.

1084
00:49:36,300 --> 00:49:38,333
Haven't we, dear?
We certainly have.

1085
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:40,333
In fact, I was
just telling Elliot

1086
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:42,733
that we fought that entire
first year we were married.

1087
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:44,900
Year and a half.

1088
00:49:44,967 --> 00:49:46,700
Would you liked some
iced tea?

1089
00:49:46,767 --> 00:49:48,333
Sure.

1090
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:50,367
Lover?
No, thanks.

1091
00:49:50,433 --> 00:49:51,667
Uh, just
a little sugar.

1092
00:49:51,733 --> 00:49:53,433
Certainement.

1093
00:49:59,667 --> 00:50:02,000
Well, you and, uh, Elliot

1094
00:50:02,067 --> 00:50:04,800
seemed to hit it off,
uh, marvelously.

1095
00:50:04,867 --> 00:50:06,633
Oh, he's a very nice person.

1096
00:50:06,700 --> 00:50:08,333
In fact, you're very lucky
to have him.

1097
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:10,467
Yeah.

1098
00:50:10,533 --> 00:50:11,633
Now, listen, lover boy,

1099
00:50:11,700 --> 00:50:12,900
if you're going to make any
sudden changes,

1100
00:50:12,967 --> 00:50:14,200
I wish you'd let me know.

1101
00:50:14,267 --> 00:50:16,233
I was writing out the check
to your landlord

1102
00:50:16,300 --> 00:50:18,100
when I
found out you had moved.

1103
00:50:18,167 --> 00:50:19,667
The bedroom is upstairs,
I take it.

1104
00:50:19,733 --> 00:50:21,000
Yes, but you
don't understand.

1105
00:50:21,067 --> 00:50:22,500
We've really got to hurry,
because I told Ben

1106
00:50:22,567 --> 00:50:25,433
I was just going to
get my hair combed out.

1107
00:50:25,500 --> 00:50:28,367
You can spare me 20 or 30
minutes, can't you?

1108
00:50:28,433 --> 00:50:29,600
Yeah, we-- Well,
I meant to call you

1109
00:50:29,667 --> 00:50:31,133
and explain what's happening.

1110
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:32,833
I'm sure you did.

1111
00:50:32,900 --> 00:50:34,167
**

1112
00:50:34,233 --> 00:50:38,067
My, you have gone theatrical,
haven't you, darling?

1113
00:50:38,133 --> 00:50:39,667
Well, it came this way.

1114
00:50:39,733 --> 00:50:41,967
All that's missing
are the mirrors.

1115
00:50:42,033 --> 00:50:43,200
**

1116
00:50:43,267 --> 00:50:46,400
Darling, you don't seem
too excited to see me.

1117
00:50:46,467 --> 00:50:47,567
You don't understand.

1118
00:50:47,633 --> 00:50:48,733
Danny is across the--

1119
00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:50,167
**

1120
00:50:50,233 --> 00:50:53,067
I think I can
fix that there.

1121
00:50:53,133 --> 00:50:55,267
Why don't you get ready?

1122
00:50:55,333 --> 00:50:57,433
You've got work to do.

1123
00:50:57,500 --> 00:51:05,433
**

1124
00:51:05,500 --> 00:51:08,433
(fast-paced music)

1125
00:51:08,500 --> 00:51:12,333
**

1126
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:15,333
(dramatic music)

1127
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:23,333
**

1128
00:51:27,667 --> 00:51:30,233
Elliot, what the hell is going
on in-- Hi, Mrs. Conway.

1129
00:51:30,300 --> 00:51:32,767
Elliot.

1130
00:51:32,833 --> 00:51:34,533
Mrs. Conway?

1131
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:36,333
How are you, Danny?

1132
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:39,667
Oh, well, I'm fine,
thank you.

1133
00:51:39,733 --> 00:51:40,900
Your mother was
telling me

1134
00:51:40,967 --> 00:51:42,267
about your
lovely new house,

1135
00:51:42,333 --> 00:51:46,667
and I was just
passing by,

1136
00:51:46,733 --> 00:51:50,600
in the neighborhood,
so-- Excuse me.

1137
00:51:50,667 --> 00:51:51,700
(door closes)

1138
00:51:51,767 --> 00:51:53,700
You stupid son of a bitch.

1139
00:51:53,767 --> 00:51:54,700
What could I do?

1140
00:51:54,767 --> 00:51:55,733
She barges in here

1141
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:58,067
and starts pulling her
clothes off.

1142
00:51:58,133 --> 00:52:00,167
It's only my mother's best
friend, that's all.

1143
00:52:00,233 --> 00:52:03,500
I just wanted to keep
it in the family.

1144
00:52:03,567 --> 00:52:05,500
I must hurry.

1145
00:52:06,833 --> 00:52:10,067
This really is a lovely place
you have, Danny.

1146
00:52:10,067 --> 00:52:12,067
Bye.

1147
00:52:17,300 --> 00:52:18,667
Your mother's
best friend, huh?

1148
00:52:18,733 --> 00:52:19,667
Well, let me tell you

1149
00:52:19,733 --> 00:52:20,667
about your mother's
best friend.

1150
00:52:20,733 --> 00:52:22,333
She was paying my rent,

1151
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:23,900
and I think
I owe her for it.

1152
00:52:23,967 --> 00:52:25,167
Okay.

1153
00:52:25,233 --> 00:52:26,367
Right now, I'm paying
your rent,

1154
00:52:26,433 --> 00:52:28,400
so you owe me,
and you do what I say.

1155
00:52:28,467 --> 00:52:29,767
No broads!

1156
00:52:33,833 --> 00:52:35,433
Oh!

1157
00:52:39,300 --> 00:52:42,167
You dirty bitch!

1158
00:52:42,233 --> 00:52:45,733
Look what
you've done to my peonies!

1159
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:47,833
(Mrs. Conway)
You can take your lovely
peonies!

1160
00:52:47,900 --> 00:52:50,667
And besides, you silly queen,
they're not even peonies!

1161
00:52:50,733 --> 00:52:53,300
They're marigolds!

1162
00:52:53,367 --> 00:52:55,567
Good God, I think
she's right!

1163
00:52:55,633 --> 00:52:57,167
They are marigolds!

1164
00:52:57,233 --> 00:53:00,333
I may not know my flowers,

1165
00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:04,233
but I know a bitch
when I see one!

1166
00:53:04,300 --> 00:53:05,967
Oh!

1167
00:53:06,067 --> 00:53:08,367
(sobbing)

1168
00:53:08,433 --> 00:53:11,200
(laughs)

1169
00:53:11,267 --> 00:53:12,767
Elliot, it's not funny.

1170
00:53:12,833 --> 00:53:14,067
Can't you get it
through your thick skull

1171
00:53:14,133 --> 00:53:15,900
that we're being watched
24 hours a day?

1172
00:53:15,967 --> 00:53:16,900
How is that gonna look

1173
00:53:16,967 --> 00:53:18,067
on the report
they send in on us?

1174
00:53:18,133 --> 00:53:20,700
Aw, she wasn't here long
enough to wash her hands.

1175
00:53:20,767 --> 00:53:22,533
That's not the point!

1176
00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:24,467
The point is that we can't
be seen with women.

1177
00:53:24,533 --> 00:53:26,367
If they find out
that we're faking it,

1178
00:53:26,433 --> 00:53:28,067
we're gonna be in Vietnam
Monday morning.

1179
00:53:28,133 --> 00:53:29,633
Can't we be AC/DC?

1180
00:53:29,700 --> 00:53:31,533
Oh, you're hopeless.

1181
00:53:31,600 --> 00:53:32,933
No, baby, you are.

1182
00:53:33,067 --> 00:53:35,067
You're playing this thing
way too heavy.

1183
00:53:35,067 --> 00:53:37,467
You've got to take it
seriously!

1184
00:53:37,533 --> 00:53:38,800
**

1185
00:53:38,867 --> 00:53:41,433
(whistling sound effect)

1186
00:53:41,500 --> 00:53:42,567
(Leslie)
Well, I still think

1187
00:53:42,633 --> 00:53:44,433
something should be
done about it.

1188
00:53:44,500 --> 00:53:46,167
I mean, that whole
scene he's moved into,

1189
00:53:46,233 --> 00:53:48,733
it's-- Well, it's
unhealthy.

1190
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:50,533
Now, calm down, honey.

1191
00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:52,967
I don't see any harm in Danny
having a little fun

1192
00:53:53,067 --> 00:53:54,600
before he leaves for school.

1193
00:53:54,667 --> 00:53:55,767
After all, he and Elliot

1194
00:53:55,833 --> 00:53:58,333
are two normal,
red-blooded American boys.

1195
00:53:58,400 --> 00:53:59,533
Well, I've got to get out
to the club.

1196
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:00,700
Normal?

1197
00:54:00,767 --> 00:54:03,533
You call that
Elliot Crane normal?

1198
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:05,167
(groans)

1199
00:54:06,300 --> 00:54:09,900
Daddy, I don't see
how you can be so blind.

1200
00:54:13,700 --> 00:54:15,533
(shower running)

1201
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:17,900
(man)
Well, you have to admit,
my backhand has improved.

1202
00:54:17,967 --> 00:54:20,067
(friend)
Yeah, but your serve
is still lousy.

1203
00:54:20,133 --> 00:54:22,767
I didn't see you
serving any aces.

1204
00:54:22,833 --> 00:54:25,367
(Elliot)
I think his serve is simply
super, sweetheart.

1205
00:54:25,433 --> 00:54:26,433
It's your forehand

1206
00:54:26,500 --> 00:54:28,667
that leaves something
to be desired.

1207
00:54:28,733 --> 00:54:31,433
Hey, Elliot, did anyone
ever tell you you're sick?

1208
00:54:31,500 --> 00:54:32,600
Only my girlfriend,
baby,

1209
00:54:32,667 --> 00:54:34,367
and he
likes me this way.

1210
00:54:34,433 --> 00:54:35,733
(man)
Hey, Elliot,
I dropped my soap.

1211
00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:36,733
Pick it up for me,
will you?

1212
00:54:36,800 --> 00:54:38,367
Not on your life,
lover.

1213
00:54:38,433 --> 00:54:39,833
It's not safe for us girls
to bend down

1214
00:54:39,900 --> 00:54:42,833
in front
of all you big boys.

1215
00:54:45,267 --> 00:54:48,067
(overlapping chatter)

1216
00:54:48,133 --> 00:54:50,800
(Mr. Devlin)
I want that boy fired,
and I want him fired today.

1217
00:54:50,867 --> 00:54:53,100
(man)
Oh, come on, Barney,
you don't really believe

1218
00:54:53,167 --> 00:54:54,533
that kid's a faggot,
do you?

1219
00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:56,067
Just because he's
been kidding around

1220
00:54:56,133 --> 00:54:58,067
in the shower room.

1221
00:54:58,067 --> 00:54:59,333
If you'd seen his apartment

1222
00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:00,500
and heard what
my daughter told me,

1223
00:55:00,567 --> 00:55:01,567
you'd know
he wasn't kidding.

1224
00:55:01,633 --> 00:55:03,067
That boy's as queer
as a $3 bill.

1225
00:55:03,133 --> 00:55:04,900
Oh, Barney,
for Christ's sake.

1226
00:55:04,967 --> 00:55:07,100
Yes, you'd better.
I'm reminding you.

1227
00:55:07,167 --> 00:55:10,233
(conversation fades)

1228
00:55:30,533 --> 00:55:33,833
(Danny)
What's your problem?

1229
00:55:33,900 --> 00:55:36,067
I was canned today.

1230
00:55:36,100 --> 00:55:38,133
You're kidding me.

1231
00:55:38,200 --> 00:55:40,233
What for?
You tell me.

1232
00:55:40,300 --> 00:55:41,667
Forrester called me
into his office

1233
00:55:41,733 --> 00:55:43,100
and told me
I was through.

1234
00:55:43,167 --> 00:55:44,233
Said something about

1235
00:55:44,300 --> 00:55:45,833
their not really needing
a lifeguard,

1236
00:55:45,900 --> 00:55:47,100
that somebody's
daughter was gonna come in

1237
00:55:47,167 --> 00:55:48,600
and give the kids
swimming lessons.

1238
00:55:48,667 --> 00:55:51,233
Said something about me

1239
00:55:51,300 --> 00:55:53,533
being a bad influence
on the kids or something.

1240
00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:56,300
Considering what you've been
doing to their mothers,

1241
00:55:56,367 --> 00:55:58,333
uh, they might
have a point there.

1242
00:55:58,400 --> 00:55:59,600
Yeah?

1243
00:55:59,667 --> 00:56:02,333
And what's that
supposed to mean?

1244
00:56:04,067 --> 00:56:06,233
Nothing, Elliot, nothing.

1245
00:56:06,300 --> 00:56:07,867
Look, I'll ask my old man

1246
00:56:07,933 --> 00:56:09,400
to find out what
the story is, okay?

1247
00:56:09,467 --> 00:56:12,600
Yeah, well, whatever.

1248
00:56:12,667 --> 00:56:15,767
I've got 57 bucks to my
name and no prospects.

1249
00:56:15,833 --> 00:56:18,067
Don't sweat the money.

1250
00:56:18,100 --> 00:56:19,567
That I can handle.

1251
00:56:19,633 --> 00:56:24,067
I hope the whole thing
blows over soon anyway.

1252
00:56:24,067 --> 00:56:25,067
(sighs)

1253
00:56:25,067 --> 00:56:27,400
Look, I got, uh,
a date with Karen.

1254
00:56:27,467 --> 00:56:28,400
Are you gonna be around?

1255
00:56:28,467 --> 00:56:30,067
Yeah, well, if I am,

1256
00:56:30,067 --> 00:56:31,233
it's not gonna be
by myself,

1257
00:56:31,300 --> 00:56:32,567
I'll tell
you that right now.

1258
00:56:32,633 --> 00:56:34,067
Now, wait a minute,
Elliot.

1259
00:56:34,133 --> 00:56:35,833
We've got an agreement,
and you stick to it!

1260
00:56:35,900 --> 00:56:38,567
I don't see it holding
you back any, champ.

1261
00:56:40,100 --> 00:56:42,100
Elliot.

1262
00:56:45,133 --> 00:56:46,067
(phone clicks)

1263
00:56:46,133 --> 00:56:47,233
**

1264
00:56:47,300 --> 00:56:49,600
Okay, just--
Just be cool, huh?

1265
00:56:49,667 --> 00:56:51,433
Don't bring 'em
back here.

1266
00:56:54,233 --> 00:56:56,167
Okay?

1267
00:57:03,667 --> 00:57:07,600
(dialing phone number)

1268
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:12,133
(door slams)

1269
00:57:15,733 --> 00:57:18,933
Hey, Louise.

1270
00:57:19,067 --> 00:57:21,767
Well, where is she?

1271
00:57:21,833 --> 00:57:23,333
What do you mean,
she's getting married?

1272
00:57:23,400 --> 00:57:25,967
Who'd marry her?

1273
00:57:26,067 --> 00:57:29,300
Yeah, the same to you,
buddy.

1274
00:57:45,667 --> 00:57:47,700
Look, honey, you'll really
like this place.

1275
00:57:47,767 --> 00:57:49,467
It's a new place, and it's
gonna be a good dinner.

1276
00:57:49,533 --> 00:57:51,400
Come on.
Danny, no.

1277
00:57:51,467 --> 00:57:53,400
I-- I-- I don't want
to have dinner.

1278
00:57:53,467 --> 00:57:54,433
I want to see

1279
00:57:54,500 --> 00:57:56,433
where you and Elliot
are living.

1280
00:57:56,500 --> 00:57:57,900
But you've
got to be hungry

1281
00:57:57,967 --> 00:57:59,267
after a-- a flight
like that.

1282
00:57:59,333 --> 00:58:02,067
I'm not hungry.

1283
00:58:02,067 --> 00:58:04,467
Danny, are-- are--
are you sure

1284
00:58:04,533 --> 00:58:06,400
there's not another girl?

1285
00:58:06,467 --> 00:58:09,533
Hey, what would I want
with another girl

1286
00:58:09,600 --> 00:58:10,900
when I've got you, huh?

1287
00:58:10,967 --> 00:58:12,267
(kiss)

1288
00:58:12,333 --> 00:58:15,100
Look at me.

1289
00:58:15,167 --> 00:58:18,433
You're all
the girl I need.

1290
00:58:18,500 --> 00:58:20,100
All right.

1291
00:58:20,167 --> 00:58:21,233
Just the same, I--
I want to see

1292
00:58:21,300 --> 00:58:23,933
where you
and Elliot are living.

1293
00:58:24,067 --> 00:58:26,767
Uh, now?

1294
00:58:26,833 --> 00:58:29,333
Yeah, now.

1295
00:58:29,400 --> 00:58:32,333
(music playing faintly)

1296
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:40,333
**

1297
00:58:50,467 --> 00:58:52,233
(man)
I'm sorry.

1298
00:58:52,300 --> 00:58:56,333
It's just that things
aren't that way now.

1299
00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:59,633
**

1300
00:58:59,700 --> 00:59:02,900
It's just different,
that's all.

1301
00:59:02,967 --> 00:59:05,833
Please, Phil, you
can't end it just like this.

1302
00:59:05,900 --> 00:59:07,467
Well, you know we were meant
for each other.

1303
00:59:07,533 --> 00:59:09,767
Not really, darling.

1304
00:59:09,833 --> 00:59:12,100
How can you be
so indifferent?

1305
00:59:12,167 --> 00:59:14,067
I'm not being anything.

1306
00:59:14,100 --> 00:59:15,967
**

1307
00:59:16,067 --> 00:59:23,967
(quiet chatter)

1308
00:59:35,067 --> 00:59:37,100
Hi.

1309
00:59:39,167 --> 00:59:42,967
Buy you a drink?

1310
00:59:43,067 --> 00:59:45,467
Yeah, why not?

1311
00:59:47,300 --> 00:59:48,300
Uh, Peter.

1312
00:59:48,367 --> 00:59:50,200
(Karen)
It's-- it's not
what I expected.

1313
00:59:50,267 --> 00:59:52,933
Everybody says that.

1314
00:59:53,067 --> 00:59:54,700
Uh, you know,
we're just moving in.

1315
00:59:54,767 --> 00:59:59,133
Uh, we're gonna make a lot
of changes, of course.

1316
00:59:59,200 --> 01:00:00,400
That's Elliot's.

1317
01:00:00,467 --> 01:00:02,233
Oh.

1318
01:00:03,833 --> 01:00:07,067
Uh, where do you sleep?

1319
01:00:07,133 --> 01:00:08,567
I'm sleeping
down on the couch,

1320
01:00:08,633 --> 01:00:10,000
and we're moving
twin beds in.

1321
01:00:10,067 --> 01:00:11,633
Oh.

1322
01:00:15,300 --> 01:00:17,767
**

1323
01:00:17,833 --> 01:00:19,967
I'm sorry.

1324
01:00:20,033 --> 01:00:21,800
For what?

1325
01:00:21,867 --> 01:00:23,033
For suspecting you.

1326
01:00:23,100 --> 01:00:24,200
I-- I thought
you and Elliot

1327
01:00:24,267 --> 01:00:27,767
were living up here
with some girl.

1328
01:00:27,833 --> 01:00:29,567
Oh, well, now you
know you're wrong.

1329
01:00:29,633 --> 01:00:30,733
I'm sorry.

1330
01:00:30,800 --> 01:00:31,800
I-- It's funny,

1331
01:00:31,867 --> 01:00:32,900
I've never been
this jealous before.

1332
01:00:32,967 --> 01:00:34,433
Honey...

1333
01:00:34,500 --> 01:00:35,433
(kiss)

1334
01:00:35,500 --> 01:00:36,500
I don't want you
to be jealous,

1335
01:00:36,567 --> 01:00:37,933
'cause I'm all yours.

1336
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:39,733
Okay.

1337
01:00:39,800 --> 01:00:41,300
Well,
I'll tell you now,

1338
01:00:41,367 --> 01:00:43,067
it was really Elliot
I was worried about.

1339
01:00:43,133 --> 01:00:44,367
I envisioned him

1340
01:00:44,433 --> 01:00:46,067
bringing up all of his
ding-a-ling girlfriends

1341
01:00:46,133 --> 01:00:50,733
and the two of you having
a-- you know.

1342
01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:53,500
Honey, my taste and Elliot's
taste in women

1343
01:00:53,567 --> 01:00:54,733
is totally different.

1344
01:00:54,800 --> 01:00:56,833
He likes
them dumb and sexy,

1345
01:00:56,900 --> 01:00:59,433
and I like them smart
and sexy.

1346
01:00:59,500 --> 01:01:02,800
Oh, is that
what I think it is?

1347
01:01:02,867 --> 01:01:05,367
Well, it looks like
a fireplace to me.

1348
01:01:05,433 --> 01:01:06,533
Does it work?

1349
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:07,933
No.
Oh.

1350
01:01:08,067 --> 01:01:08,967
You mean,
it's genuine imitation.

1351
01:01:09,067 --> 01:01:09,967
Mm-hmm.

1352
01:01:10,067 --> 01:01:11,067
We could fake it.

1353
01:01:11,133 --> 01:01:12,500
Come on.

1354
01:01:12,567 --> 01:01:15,500
(serene music)

1355
01:01:15,567 --> 01:01:19,600
**

1356
01:01:19,667 --> 01:01:21,600
Great.

1357
01:01:23,167 --> 01:01:25,267
(clears throat)

1358
01:01:25,333 --> 01:01:26,900
Ah!

1359
01:01:26,967 --> 01:01:32,233
**

1360
01:01:32,300 --> 01:01:33,800
(Malcolm)
Oh, Craig!

1361
01:01:33,867 --> 01:01:36,933
Mmm! Much better.

1362
01:01:37,067 --> 01:01:39,067
Such a tub!

1363
01:01:39,067 --> 01:01:40,933
Such a tub!

1364
01:01:41,067 --> 01:01:41,933
What?

1365
01:01:42,067 --> 01:01:44,500
Who was that?

1366
01:01:44,567 --> 01:01:46,500
Uh, well, that's, uh--

1367
01:01:46,567 --> 01:01:49,700
That's one
of our neighbors.

1368
01:01:49,767 --> 01:01:52,967
What kind of
a neighborhood is this?

1369
01:01:53,067 --> 01:01:55,067
You know.

1370
01:01:55,133 --> 01:01:58,333
Look, you know, I'm
really kind of hungry.

1371
01:01:58,400 --> 01:01:59,500
Uh, why don't we go?

1372
01:01:59,567 --> 01:02:00,800
There's a place
a couple blocks from here.

1373
01:02:00,867 --> 01:02:02,967
We can walk over and get
something to eat, huh?

1374
01:02:03,067 --> 01:02:05,667
Boy, you sure change
your mood fast.

1375
01:02:05,733 --> 01:02:07,767
Well, you have to, uh--

1376
01:02:07,833 --> 01:02:10,233
uh, feed
all your appetites.

1377
01:02:10,300 --> 01:02:12,233
Okay.

1378
01:02:13,667 --> 01:02:15,067
Gee, it's a shame,
you know,

1379
01:02:15,067 --> 01:02:17,833
losing your job and all that
there, for no reason at all.

1380
01:02:17,900 --> 01:02:19,567
I know what it's like.

1381
01:02:19,633 --> 01:02:22,267
They treat us like we
were diseased or something.

1382
01:02:22,333 --> 01:02:23,867
(faint music)

1383
01:02:23,933 --> 01:02:26,167
Ooh, hey, Danny!

1384
01:02:26,233 --> 01:02:27,867
Hey, listen, that's
one of the gay bars

1385
01:02:27,933 --> 01:02:28,900
all the girls have been
talking about.

1386
01:02:28,967 --> 01:02:30,133
Can we go in, please?

1387
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:31,367
Honey, what do
I want to do,

1388
01:02:31,433 --> 01:02:32,433
going into a place
like that?

1389
01:02:32,500 --> 01:02:33,533
Oh, come on,
I'll protect you.

1390
01:02:33,600 --> 01:02:35,267
No, really, it'd be--
Please, one drink.

1391
01:02:35,333 --> 01:02:36,600
Come on, please?

1392
01:02:36,667 --> 01:02:38,333
Look, a bunch of fruits
hanging all over me?

1393
01:02:38,400 --> 01:02:39,333
I don't need it.

1394
01:02:39,400 --> 01:02:40,533
**

1395
01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:44,533
(laughter)

1396
01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:47,067
**

1397
01:02:47,100 --> 01:02:49,133
You know, one time,
I had this great job--

1398
01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:51,433
secretary to this big
industrialist.

1399
01:02:51,500 --> 01:02:59,433
**

1400
01:03:02,067 --> 01:03:03,733
Then there's this big
government contract

1401
01:03:03,800 --> 01:03:04,900
on the line.

1402
01:03:04,967 --> 01:03:06,667
What do I hear from him?

1403
01:03:06,733 --> 01:03:08,367
Sorry, Freddie.

1404
01:03:08,433 --> 01:03:10,267
Government clearances
and all.

1405
01:03:10,333 --> 01:03:11,533
I was out the door.

1406
01:03:11,600 --> 01:03:13,067
And believe me, listen,

1407
01:03:13,133 --> 01:03:15,300
I never did any
playing around on the job.

1408
01:03:15,367 --> 01:03:20,833
**

1409
01:03:20,900 --> 01:03:23,767
I had this pal Johnny
when I was...

1410
01:03:25,500 --> 01:03:27,467
How about another drink?

1411
01:03:27,533 --> 01:03:35,467
**

1412
01:03:45,500 --> 01:03:46,767
There's one behind you,

1413
01:03:46,833 --> 01:03:47,767
and he's wearing
an earring.

1414
01:03:47,833 --> 01:03:49,933
Shh!

1415
01:03:50,067 --> 01:03:50,933
I wonder if they have

1416
01:03:51,067 --> 01:03:53,333
a little girls' room
in this place.

1417
01:03:53,400 --> 01:03:55,800
I seriously doubt it.

1418
01:03:55,867 --> 01:04:01,867
**

1419
01:04:01,933 --> 01:04:04,433
On second thought, uh...

1420
01:04:09,733 --> 01:04:14,700
**

1421
01:04:14,767 --> 01:04:18,067
Danny, isn't that
Elliot over there?

1422
01:04:18,067 --> 01:04:24,567
**

1423
01:04:24,633 --> 01:04:26,067
Yeah.

1424
01:04:26,067 --> 01:04:27,800
I wonder what
he's doing here.

1425
01:04:27,867 --> 01:04:32,533
**

1426
01:04:32,600 --> 01:04:33,967
I don't understand.

1427
01:04:34,067 --> 01:04:35,767
What can Bruce give you
that I can't?

1428
01:04:35,833 --> 01:04:37,900
Dorothy, you've
got to understand.

1429
01:04:37,967 --> 01:04:39,067
I can't.

1430
01:04:39,133 --> 01:04:41,067
**

1431
01:04:41,133 --> 01:04:43,467
Elliot, what are
you doing here?

1432
01:04:43,533 --> 01:04:44,500
Danny.

1433
01:04:44,567 --> 01:04:46,533
Come on over
and join us.

1434
01:04:46,600 --> 01:04:47,533
Who's that?

1435
01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:48,533
Karen?
Right.

1436
01:04:48,600 --> 01:04:49,533
Listen, you.

1437
01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:50,867
I saw him first.

1438
01:04:50,933 --> 01:04:52,267
Now, wait a minute,
gorgeous!

1439
01:04:52,333 --> 01:04:53,267
I got a big--

1440
01:04:53,333 --> 01:04:54,267
Kiss off!

1441
01:04:54,333 --> 01:04:57,667
Hey, Elliot, wait.

1442
01:04:57,733 --> 01:04:58,800
What'd you do that for?

1443
01:04:58,867 --> 01:05:01,333
Aw, the creep's been
pawing me all night.

1444
01:05:01,400 --> 01:05:03,267
(quiet chatter)

1445
01:05:03,333 --> 01:05:04,500
What happened?

1446
01:05:04,567 --> 01:05:05,500
Ah, some freak

1447
01:05:05,567 --> 01:05:06,500
tried to get
fresh with me,

1448
01:05:06,567 --> 01:05:08,333
and he just
wasn't my type.

1449
01:05:08,400 --> 01:05:11,667
(quiet chatter)

1450
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:15,567
Come on, let's go

1451
01:05:15,633 --> 01:05:16,633
someplace
I can get a little drink.

1452
01:05:16,700 --> 01:05:17,733
I think you've
had enough.

1453
01:05:17,800 --> 01:05:18,800
Who, me?

1454
01:05:18,867 --> 01:05:20,067
Listen,
booze or broads--

1455
01:05:20,133 --> 01:05:22,067
There's always room for one
more, I always say.

1456
01:05:22,100 --> 01:05:23,800
Right, Elliot.

1457
01:05:23,867 --> 01:05:26,067
What?

1458
01:05:26,100 --> 01:05:27,233
Nothing, nothing.

1459
01:05:27,300 --> 01:05:28,400
Forget about it, Elliot.
Come on.

1460
01:05:28,467 --> 01:05:30,867
Hey, Danny, I thought
we had an agreement.

1461
01:05:30,933 --> 01:05:32,200
Not here, Elliot.

1462
01:05:32,267 --> 01:05:33,367
Why not?

1463
01:05:33,433 --> 01:05:34,667
This is
as good a place as any

1464
01:05:34,733 --> 01:05:36,100
to get this thing
straightened out.

1465
01:05:36,167 --> 01:05:38,067
Do we have an agreement or
don't we have an agreement?

1466
01:05:38,100 --> 01:05:39,533
Shut up!
Hey!

1467
01:05:39,600 --> 01:05:40,533
Hey, Danny,
what's he talking about?

1468
01:05:40,600 --> 01:05:42,233
What does he mean?
I don't know, honey.

1469
01:05:42,300 --> 01:05:43,300
He's just drunk,
that's all.

1470
01:05:43,367 --> 01:05:44,733
I'm not that drunk,
lover boy.

1471
01:05:44,800 --> 01:05:47,533
I remember you
telling me, "Elliot, baby,

1472
01:05:47,600 --> 01:05:49,567
"we're gonna give up broads
for the duration.

1473
01:05:49,633 --> 01:05:51,833
It's just gonna be you
and I in our little love nest."

1474
01:05:51,900 --> 01:05:53,100
Elliot, I'm gonna
put you

1475
01:05:53,167 --> 01:05:54,300
right through the wall!

1476
01:05:54,367 --> 01:05:56,067
I wouldn't try it,
lover boy.

1477
01:05:56,067 --> 01:05:57,533
What the hell is he
talking about, Danny?

1478
01:05:57,600 --> 01:05:59,233
Don't talk to him
like that.

1479
01:05:59,300 --> 01:06:00,367
I simply
won't stand for it.

1480
01:06:00,433 --> 01:06:01,433
He's mine, all mine.
Elliot!

1481
01:06:01,500 --> 01:06:02,633
Okay, Elliot,
he's yours!

1482
01:06:02,700 --> 01:06:04,633
He's all yours!

1483
01:06:04,700 --> 01:06:06,500
(Danny)
Karen!

1484
01:06:06,567 --> 01:06:07,633
(engine starts)

1485
01:06:07,700 --> 01:06:08,833
Karen,
you don't underst--

1486
01:06:08,900 --> 01:06:10,433
Karen!

1487
01:06:12,067 --> 01:06:14,667
Karen?

1488
01:06:14,733 --> 01:06:18,100
Looks like we're stuck
with each other, love.

1489
01:06:19,667 --> 01:06:22,900
(groans)

1490
01:06:22,967 --> 01:06:24,533
I don't understand it.

1491
01:06:24,600 --> 01:06:27,233
He seemed like such
a sweet young thing, too.

1492
01:06:27,300 --> 01:06:30,600
Well, they just don't seem to
make those sweet young things

1493
01:06:30,667 --> 01:06:31,967
like they used to.

1494
01:06:32,067 --> 01:06:35,867
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")

1495
01:06:35,933 --> 01:06:38,833
(Leslie)
Well, I just
can't believe it.

1496
01:06:38,900 --> 01:06:41,233
You would have
if you had been there.

1497
01:06:41,300 --> 01:06:42,533
The way they kept arguing

1498
01:06:42,600 --> 01:06:44,067
about being faithful
to each other.

1499
01:06:44,133 --> 01:06:45,633
I don't know, it was
absolutely incredible.

1500
01:06:45,700 --> 01:06:46,767
Faithful?

1501
01:06:46,833 --> 01:06:48,400
Elliot, be faithful?

1502
01:06:48,467 --> 01:06:49,767
That guy
couldn't be faithful

1503
01:06:49,833 --> 01:06:51,400
if his life depended
on it.

1504
01:06:51,467 --> 01:06:53,333
You know, there's
something wrong with him.

1505
01:06:53,400 --> 01:06:54,333
I mean, it's one thing

1506
01:06:54,400 --> 01:06:55,667
to be in
a constant state of heat,

1507
01:06:55,733 --> 01:06:57,533
but with him, it's like--
I mean, it's unnatural.

1508
01:06:57,600 --> 01:07:00,633
Look, I'm not worried
about Elliot.

1509
01:07:00,700 --> 01:07:01,633
I don't care about Elliot.

1510
01:07:01,700 --> 01:07:02,933
It's Danny.

1511
01:07:03,067 --> 01:07:05,167
It's like he doesn't even
want to be with a girl!

1512
01:07:05,233 --> 01:07:07,067
Oh, Karen,
you don't think

1513
01:07:07,100 --> 01:07:09,567
there's anything wrong
with Danny, do you?

1514
01:07:09,633 --> 01:07:11,267
Look, I'm his sister,

1515
01:07:11,333 --> 01:07:14,067
and if there was anything
odd about him, well--

1516
01:07:14,133 --> 01:07:17,533
Well, don't you think I would
have noticed it before now?

1517
01:07:20,600 --> 01:07:21,967
Ooh, I'm gonna be late.

1518
01:07:22,067 --> 01:07:22,967
I've got a doctor's
appointment.

1519
01:07:23,067 --> 01:07:24,133
I'll-- I'll
talk to you later.

1520
01:07:24,200 --> 01:07:25,400
Wait.

1521
01:07:25,467 --> 01:07:26,967
Wait-- Wait a second!

1522
01:07:27,067 --> 01:07:30,167
Karen, it's not
Danny's fault!

1523
01:07:30,233 --> 01:07:34,067
If anyone's got a problem,
it's Elliot, not Danny.

1524
01:07:35,233 --> 01:07:37,433
I'll talk to you later.

1525
01:07:41,067 --> 01:07:42,933
Now, where is she?

1526
01:07:43,067 --> 01:07:44,067
(woman) 
 All right.

1527
01:07:44,133 --> 01:07:46,067
She went sailing.

1528
01:07:46,133 --> 01:07:47,067
Really?

1529
01:07:47,133 --> 01:07:48,067
With who?

1530
01:07:48,133 --> 01:07:49,500
Well, I-- I don't know.

1531
01:07:49,567 --> 01:07:51,500
Some doctor friend
or other.

1532
01:07:51,567 --> 01:07:55,067
Look, did she tell you 
 where the boat was moored?

1533
01:07:55,100 --> 01:07:58,700
Somewhere at the marina,
I think.

1534
01:07:58,767 --> 01:08:00,067
Oh, thanks.

1535
01:08:00,100 --> 01:08:03,067
You're welcome. 
 (laughs)

1536
01:08:03,133 --> 01:08:05,933
Look, uh, you call me
anytime you need help.

1537
01:08:06,067 --> 01:08:07,067
(receiver bangs)

1538
01:08:18,400 --> 01:08:20,100
Hey, man,
I'm splitting for the beach.

1539
01:08:20,167 --> 01:08:21,467
Uh, got ice?

1540
01:08:21,533 --> 01:08:22,500
No!

1541
01:08:22,567 --> 01:08:24,300
I'm just trying to be
considerate.

1542
01:08:24,367 --> 01:08:26,067
(affected)
Really, some people!

1543
01:08:26,133 --> 01:08:27,900
Elliot, I don't want
to hear you

1544
01:08:27,967 --> 01:08:30,167
do that fag routine again,
do you understand?

1545
01:08:30,233 --> 01:08:31,533
Ah!

1546
01:08:33,167 --> 01:08:34,733
Look, Elliot, I...

1547
01:08:44,067 --> 01:08:45,233
Yoo-hoo!

1548
01:08:45,300 --> 01:08:47,500
Elliot!

1549
01:08:47,567 --> 01:08:50,267
Elliot, Elliot,
Elliot, Elliot!

1550
01:08:50,333 --> 01:08:52,500
You are coming tonight,
aren't you?

1551
01:08:52,567 --> 01:08:54,200
To what?
To the party.

1552
01:08:54,267 --> 01:08:56,633
Craig and I
are having a party,

1553
01:08:56,700 --> 01:08:58,067
and everyone's
gonna be there,

1554
01:08:58,133 --> 01:08:59,900
simply everyone.

1555
01:09:00,067 --> 01:09:01,500
It's our annual
costume ball,

1556
01:09:01,567 --> 01:09:02,833
and you're
supposed to come

1557
01:09:02,900 --> 01:09:04,500
as your favorite
camp character--

1558
01:09:04,567 --> 01:09:07,700
Tarzan, Superman,
Judy Garland.

1559
01:09:07,767 --> 01:09:09,067
Well, you know
what I mean.

1560
01:09:09,100 --> 01:09:12,067
Of course, come as
someone from a fairy tale.

1561
01:09:12,067 --> 01:09:13,933
You bet your sweet biceps.

1562
01:09:14,067 --> 01:09:16,167
But all of our friends are
going to be there, Elliot,

1563
01:09:16,233 --> 01:09:17,600
and we want you to
meet them,

1564
01:09:17,667 --> 01:09:18,733
because we know that
you'll find them...

1565
01:09:18,800 --> 01:09:20,800
(gasps dramatically)

1566
01:09:20,867 --> 01:09:23,367
Absolutely fascinating.

1567
01:09:23,433 --> 01:09:25,533
Well, I'll tell Danny
when I get back,

1568
01:09:25,600 --> 01:09:27,067
but I doubt he'll come.

1569
01:09:27,067 --> 01:09:28,900
He simply has nothing
to wear.

1570
01:09:28,967 --> 01:09:30,767
Oh, well, tell him
not to worry.

1571
01:09:30,833 --> 01:09:32,200
I'll find him something.

1572
01:09:32,267 --> 01:09:37,767
**

1573
01:09:37,833 --> 01:09:40,767
(breezy music)

1574
01:09:40,833 --> 01:09:48,767
**

1575
01:10:09,233 --> 01:10:10,200
You're a doctor.

1576
01:10:10,267 --> 01:10:11,500
What do you think?

1577
01:10:11,567 --> 01:10:14,000
I think your friend
has a problem.

1578
01:10:14,067 --> 01:10:16,667
Well-- Well, what--
What do you think

1579
01:10:16,733 --> 01:10:17,967
she should do about it?

1580
01:10:18,033 --> 01:10:19,867
Well, unless she's one
of those sick types

1581
01:10:19,933 --> 01:10:21,300
that prefers that sort of
relationship,

1582
01:10:21,367 --> 01:10:22,933
I'd say she
should drop him fast.

1583
01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:25,600
But he seemed so normal
in the beginning.

1584
01:10:25,667 --> 01:10:28,000
Latent tendencies sometimes
don't show themselves

1585
01:10:28,067 --> 01:10:31,500
until there's a crisis.

1586
01:10:31,567 --> 01:10:38,500
**

1587
01:10:38,567 --> 01:10:40,800
(Leslie)
What did they accuse him of?

1588
01:10:40,867 --> 01:10:44,367
Oh, you're putting me on.

1589
01:10:44,433 --> 01:10:47,167
Well-- Well, did he actually
try anything

1590
01:10:47,233 --> 01:10:49,333
with the kids,
or-- or did he-- ?

1591
01:10:49,400 --> 01:10:51,567
You're kidding.

1592
01:10:51,633 --> 01:10:53,767
My dad?

1593
01:10:53,833 --> 01:10:55,233
Well, that's funny.

1594
01:10:55,300 --> 01:10:56,433
He never said anything
about it

1595
01:10:56,500 --> 01:10:57,700
at dinner last night.

1596
01:10:57,767 --> 01:11:00,500
What does Elliot usually do
on his day off?

1597
01:11:00,567 --> 01:11:06,433
(overlapping shouting)

1598
01:11:10,533 --> 01:11:12,100
Well, what brings
little sister out here?

1599
01:11:12,167 --> 01:11:13,300
And I'm asking.

1600
01:11:13,367 --> 01:11:17,867
Oh, well, uh, I don't think
I'm so little, do you?

1601
01:11:17,933 --> 01:11:20,100
Not when you
put it that way.

1602
01:11:20,167 --> 01:11:22,067
Oh, well, I hear
you're pretty good...

1603
01:11:22,133 --> 01:11:23,433
I could have told you that.

1604
01:11:23,500 --> 01:11:25,367
At, uh, outdoor sports.

1605
01:11:25,433 --> 01:11:28,067
I'm good at everything,
outdoors and indoors.

1606
01:11:28,100 --> 01:11:30,067
Well, then, prove it.

1607
01:11:30,133 --> 01:11:32,367
I thought
you didn't dig me.

1608
01:11:32,433 --> 01:11:34,900
Well, I can change
my mind, can't it?

1609
01:11:34,967 --> 01:11:36,333
Hey, Elliot!

1610
01:11:39,133 --> 01:11:40,200
Hey, one of
these nights,

1611
01:11:40,267 --> 01:11:41,433
I might just
give you a call.

1612
01:11:41,500 --> 01:11:43,467
What's the matter
with right now?

1613
01:11:43,533 --> 01:11:45,167
Well, I'm in the middle
of a game.

1614
01:11:45,233 --> 01:11:46,967
Oh, are you looking
for excuses?

1615
01:11:47,067 --> 01:11:49,800
Elliot, you're
breaking up the game!

1616
01:11:49,867 --> 01:11:52,067
Well, uh, I think you better
make a decision.

1617
01:11:52,133 --> 01:11:54,533
Is it gonna be
them or is it gonna be me?

1618
01:11:54,600 --> 01:11:56,533
What's it gonna be?

1619
01:12:03,367 --> 01:12:05,467
God, I guess he don't want to
play with us anymore.

1620
01:12:05,533 --> 01:12:07,733
Hey, come on, you guys,
let's go.

1621
01:12:07,800 --> 01:12:09,067
You too, come on.

1622
01:12:09,100 --> 01:12:12,067
**

1623
01:12:12,133 --> 01:12:13,300
Well, where did
Danny go?

1624
01:12:13,367 --> 01:12:14,300
I don't know.

1625
01:12:14,367 --> 01:12:15,300
He left this morning.

1626
01:12:15,367 --> 01:12:16,300
Do you think
he'll be back?

1627
01:12:16,367 --> 01:12:19,300
(dramatic music)

1628
01:12:19,367 --> 01:12:27,300
**

1629
01:12:32,967 --> 01:12:34,833
Hey, maybe this wasn't
such a good idea after all.

1630
01:12:34,900 --> 01:12:35,933
What's the matter?

1631
01:12:36,067 --> 01:12:37,200
You got cold feet?

1632
01:12:37,267 --> 01:12:41,933
No, it's-- Look,
you're Danny's sister.

1633
01:12:42,067 --> 01:12:44,267
Oh, come on, it's not
incest or anything.

1634
01:12:44,333 --> 01:12:46,433
You guys
are only roommates.

1635
01:12:46,500 --> 01:12:50,067
**

1636
01:12:50,067 --> 01:12:52,967
Look, when you
make up your mind

1637
01:12:53,067 --> 01:12:54,267
whether you like girls
or not,

1638
01:12:54,333 --> 01:12:56,167
I'll be upstairs.

1639
01:12:56,233 --> 01:13:04,167
**

1640
01:13:18,300 --> 01:13:20,133
Where have you been?

1641
01:13:20,200 --> 01:13:22,167
I've been on pins
and needles, waiting.

1642
01:13:22,233 --> 01:13:23,967
I-- I-- I had to
be careful.

1643
01:13:24,067 --> 01:13:25,667
I think she's
having me watched.

1644
01:13:25,733 --> 01:13:27,900
**

1645
01:13:27,967 --> 01:13:31,100
This is the last place they'd
think of looking for you.

1646
01:13:31,167 --> 01:13:34,700
**

1647
01:13:34,767 --> 01:13:37,700
(upbeat music)

1648
01:13:37,767 --> 01:13:45,700
**

1649
01:13:58,833 --> 01:14:00,400
I don't know
what's wrong.

1650
01:14:00,467 --> 01:14:03,233
This never happened to me
before.

1651
01:14:03,300 --> 01:14:04,433
Me either.

1652
01:14:04,500 --> 01:14:06,667
Maybe you just don't
like girls.

1653
01:14:06,733 --> 01:14:08,100
What's that
supposed to mean?

1654
01:14:08,167 --> 01:14:11,100
Don't you think
I know what you are?

1655
01:14:11,167 --> 01:14:14,267
Uh-- uh, bud--

1656
01:14:14,333 --> 01:14:17,367
I can't trust you
for a second, can-- ?

1657
01:14:19,833 --> 01:14:20,800
Leslie?

1658
01:14:23,800 --> 01:14:25,633
It's true, what Karen
said about you.

1659
01:14:25,700 --> 01:14:27,067
(gasps)

1660
01:14:27,133 --> 01:14:28,567
What did she say?

1661
01:14:28,633 --> 01:14:29,700
Nothing.

1662
01:14:29,767 --> 01:14:32,567
You two can kiss and make up,
for all I care.

1663
01:14:32,633 --> 01:14:35,333
Never let it be said
that I was a homewrecker!

1664
01:14:36,400 --> 01:14:38,133
Nothing happened, Dan.
Noth--

1665
01:14:38,200 --> 01:14:39,467
Yeah.

1666
01:14:39,533 --> 01:14:41,233
Leslie!

1667
01:14:42,633 --> 01:14:44,667
Leslie.
Hi.

1668
01:14:44,733 --> 01:14:47,133
Leslie!

1669
01:14:47,200 --> 01:14:49,667
Surprise, surprise,
surprise!

1670
01:14:49,733 --> 01:14:51,333
Have I got
a girl for you.

1671
01:14:51,400 --> 01:14:55,400
(laughs)
Dah-dah!

1672
01:14:55,467 --> 01:14:57,933
Well, didn't Elliot
tell you?

1673
01:14:58,067 --> 01:15:00,200
Danny, it's our
annual costume ball,

1674
01:15:00,267 --> 01:15:01,367
and it's tonight.

1675
01:15:01,433 --> 01:15:03,600
It's going to
be absolutely mad.

1676
01:15:03,667 --> 01:15:05,200
I'm going to be heaven.

1677
01:15:05,267 --> 01:15:06,767
Here, now,
take this, dear.

1678
01:15:06,833 --> 01:15:09,633
Now, I've got 5,413
things to do,

1679
01:15:09,700 --> 01:15:11,700
and you're
going to be stunning!

1680
01:15:11,767 --> 01:15:13,333
Bye.

1681
01:15:15,400 --> 01:15:17,667
(imitates Dracula)
Transylvania,
here I come!

1682
01:15:17,733 --> 01:15:25,667
**

1683
01:15:26,833 --> 01:15:29,700
Get dressed, and I will
escort you

1684
01:15:29,767 --> 01:15:32,500
to the party personally.

1685
01:15:35,133 --> 01:15:38,100
If that's the way
you feel about it.

1686
01:15:38,167 --> 01:15:41,467
**

1687
01:15:41,533 --> 01:15:43,267
(door closes)

1688
01:15:43,333 --> 01:15:51,267
**

1689
01:15:59,267 --> 01:16:02,133
(upbeat jazz)

1690
01:16:02,200 --> 01:16:04,067
(door bell ringing)

1691
01:16:04,100 --> 01:16:09,067
**

1692
01:16:09,067 --> 01:16:11,067
Elliot, hello.

1693
01:16:11,067 --> 01:16:12,233
Welcome, welcome,
welcome.

1694
01:16:12,300 --> 01:16:14,533
Everybody's here.

1695
01:16:14,600 --> 01:16:16,133
So, let me see.

1696
01:16:16,200 --> 01:16:17,267
What?

1697
01:16:17,333 --> 01:16:18,267
Your costume.

1698
01:16:18,333 --> 01:16:19,633
Let me
see your costume.

1699
01:16:19,700 --> 01:16:21,633
**

1700
01:16:21,700 --> 01:16:23,067
(gasps)

1701
01:16:23,067 --> 01:16:25,733
How bold!

1702
01:16:25,800 --> 01:16:26,833
Hey, everybody,

1703
01:16:26,900 --> 01:16:30,067
this is Elliot,
our next-door neighbor.

1704
01:16:30,067 --> 01:16:32,067
Oh.
Oh.

1705
01:16:32,100 --> 01:16:33,500
Hi, Elliot.

1706
01:16:33,567 --> 01:16:34,567
How are you?

1707
01:16:34,633 --> 01:16:35,567
How are you, Elliot?

1708
01:16:35,633 --> 01:16:36,867
(kiss)

1709
01:16:36,933 --> 01:16:38,300
Want to dance?

1710
01:16:38,367 --> 01:16:40,967
Oh!

1711
01:16:41,067 --> 01:16:42,533
**

1712
01:16:42,600 --> 01:16:43,867
So thrilled you
could come.

1713
01:16:43,933 --> 01:16:45,400
Well, let's have a look.

1714
01:16:45,467 --> 01:16:47,100
(laughs)

1715
01:16:47,167 --> 01:16:49,467
Fabulous, fabulous!

1716
01:16:49,533 --> 01:16:51,167
Simply fabulous!

1717
01:16:51,233 --> 01:16:52,867
Well, you said to be
imaginative.

1718
01:16:52,933 --> 01:16:54,967
I certainly did.
Indeed.

1719
01:16:55,067 --> 01:16:56,267
Where's Danny?

1720
01:16:56,333 --> 01:16:58,600
Oh, he's back in the
bedroom, sulking.

1721
01:16:58,667 --> 01:17:00,100
I don't know
what's eating him.

1722
01:17:00,167 --> 01:17:01,667
Well, let's just
go drag him out.

1723
01:17:01,733 --> 01:17:03,333
Oh, uh, look, I--
I don't know.

1724
01:17:03,400 --> 01:17:05,367
I think we should leave
him alone for a while.

1725
01:17:05,433 --> 01:17:07,200
You know, he's simply
impossible

1726
01:17:07,267 --> 01:17:08,767
when he gets this way.

1727
01:17:08,833 --> 01:17:10,233
I know just what you mean.

1728
01:17:10,300 --> 01:17:12,567
Malcolm gets the same way
when she's upset.

1729
01:17:12,633 --> 01:17:15,067
Come, let's have a drink.

1730
01:17:15,067 --> 01:17:18,600
Where did you
find him?

1731
01:17:18,667 --> 01:17:22,567
Uh, "him" is our next-door
neighbor Elliot,

1732
01:17:22,633 --> 01:17:24,100
and he's married.

1733
01:17:24,167 --> 01:17:27,300
Don't stair the carpet,
Pagliacci.

1734
01:17:27,367 --> 01:17:28,833
Go take your heart pill.

1735
01:17:28,900 --> 01:17:30,133
Come, Elliot.

1736
01:17:30,200 --> 01:17:32,633
(overlapping chatter)

1737
01:17:32,700 --> 01:17:35,633
(foreboding music)

1738
01:17:35,700 --> 01:17:43,633
**

1739
01:17:48,933 --> 01:17:50,067
Elliot!

1740
01:17:51,233 --> 01:17:52,867
He is a brute,
isn't he?

1741
01:17:52,933 --> 01:17:56,467
Yeah, but he's not gonna
get away from me tonight.

1742
01:17:56,533 --> 01:17:59,067
I got a big investment
in him.

1743
01:17:59,067 --> 01:18:01,967
Honey, you don't
stand a chance.

1744
01:18:02,067 --> 01:18:04,067
You're hardly his type.

1745
01:18:04,100 --> 01:18:05,900
Hmm.

1746
01:18:05,967 --> 01:18:08,533
Oh, and this is Myra
"Brokenbridge."

1747
01:18:08,600 --> 01:18:11,067
Oh, charming.

1748
01:18:11,100 --> 01:18:12,367
Cool it.

1749
01:18:12,433 --> 01:18:14,733
And over here,
this is Cleopatra.

1750
01:18:14,800 --> 01:18:15,833
Hi.

1751
01:18:15,900 --> 01:18:18,067
And this is...heaven.

1752
01:18:18,133 --> 01:18:19,400
Hi, Elliot.

1753
01:18:19,467 --> 01:18:21,767
**

1754
01:18:21,833 --> 01:18:24,167
And this is
Judy Streisand.

1755
01:18:24,233 --> 01:18:26,900
(Cleopatra)
Yeah, she went over
the rainbow

1756
01:18:26,967 --> 01:18:29,067
and somebody
broke her nose.

1757
01:18:29,133 --> 01:18:31,533
You Egyptian asp!

1758
01:18:31,600 --> 01:18:34,433
Oh!
Excuse me.

1759
01:18:34,500 --> 01:18:36,067
Calm down.

1760
01:18:36,100 --> 01:18:41,867
**

1761
01:18:41,933 --> 01:18:44,100
(overlapping chatter)

1762
01:18:44,167 --> 01:18:48,167
What's a girl like you
doing in a place like this?

1763
01:18:48,233 --> 01:18:50,067
Lord only knows.

1764
01:18:50,100 --> 01:18:53,600
These parties of Malcolm's
are just impossible.

1765
01:18:53,667 --> 01:18:56,167
Let me freshen up
your drink.

1766
01:18:56,233 --> 01:18:58,333
I would love it.

1767
01:18:58,400 --> 01:19:05,733
**

1768
01:19:05,800 --> 01:19:08,333
Hi, honey, remember me
from The Lush Life?

1769
01:19:08,400 --> 01:19:10,233
Flake off.

1770
01:19:10,300 --> 01:19:14,067
It sure didn't take
you long, did it, honey?

1771
01:19:14,133 --> 01:19:17,167
Well, she didn't
have to be rude.

1772
01:19:17,233 --> 01:19:20,900
He's some fag I met
at a party last night.

1773
01:19:20,967 --> 01:19:26,600
**

1774
01:19:26,667 --> 01:19:29,067
Let's get away
from these queens.

1775
01:19:29,100 --> 01:19:37,067
**

1776
01:19:38,967 --> 01:19:40,800
(foreboding music)

1777
01:19:40,867 --> 01:19:43,800
(sultry music)

1778
01:19:43,867 --> 01:19:48,933
**

1779
01:19:49,067 --> 01:19:51,567
This is a nice place
to relax in.

1780
01:19:51,633 --> 01:19:59,567
**

1781
01:20:10,167 --> 01:20:13,100
("Stranger in Paradise")

1782
01:20:13,167 --> 01:20:21,100
**

1783
01:20:21,167 --> 01:20:24,100
(exotic music)

1784
01:20:24,167 --> 01:20:27,233
**

1785
01:20:27,300 --> 01:20:29,667
God, it's
so stuffy in there!

1786
01:20:29,733 --> 01:20:30,967
I don't know why Malcolm

1787
01:20:31,033 --> 01:20:33,333
insists on throwing those
parties at his place

1788
01:20:33,400 --> 01:20:35,533
when Dick's is so much
more suitable.

1789
01:20:35,600 --> 01:20:37,667
Oh, Dickie's is divine.

1790
01:20:37,733 --> 01:20:38,733
Mm!

1791
01:20:38,800 --> 01:20:40,733
Mm!

1792
01:20:42,000 --> 01:20:45,667
Oh, uh, it's--
It's in there, sweetie.

1793
01:20:48,167 --> 01:20:51,200
Well, I must say,
his costume

1794
01:20:51,267 --> 01:20:53,333
is rather inappropriate
for the theme.

1795
01:20:53,400 --> 01:20:54,567
(man)
Oh, I don't know.

1796
01:20:54,633 --> 01:20:55,767
I'd love to be
a stewardess

1797
01:20:55,833 --> 01:20:58,433
and entertain all those
handsome executives.

1798
01:20:58,500 --> 01:21:00,200
(friend)
They'd never take you,
honey.

1799
01:21:00,267 --> 01:21:01,700
Not with your legs.

1800
01:21:01,767 --> 01:21:03,333
Oh, up yours.

1801
01:21:03,400 --> 01:21:05,667
Coffee, tea, or me?

1802
01:21:06,900 --> 01:21:08,433
(knocks on door)

1803
01:21:09,567 --> 01:21:11,567
Danny?

1804
01:21:11,633 --> 01:21:13,467
(man)
You're messing up my hair.

1805
01:21:13,533 --> 01:21:15,633
(Elliot)
Oh, it's nice and soft.

1806
01:21:15,700 --> 01:21:18,367
Mmm!

1807
01:21:18,433 --> 01:21:19,433
You're nothing but--

1808
01:21:19,500 --> 01:21:21,633
Well, what'd you expect--
Ann-Margret?

1809
01:21:21,700 --> 01:21:24,967
**

1810
01:21:25,067 --> 01:21:26,967
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")

1811
01:21:27,067 --> 01:21:28,867
What's the matter, boy?

1812
01:21:28,933 --> 01:21:31,367
Don't you like
drag queens?

1813
01:21:31,433 --> 01:21:33,567
(laughs)

1814
01:21:33,633 --> 01:21:35,467
(Karen)
It's not that unusual.

1815
01:21:35,533 --> 01:21:37,267
I talked to a doctor.

1816
01:21:37,333 --> 01:21:40,967
He said that he--
We've got to be

1817
01:21:41,067 --> 01:21:43,667
away from each other
for a while,

1818
01:21:43,733 --> 01:21:46,167
so you can
think about things.

1819
01:21:46,233 --> 01:21:49,100
No, I don't need
time to think things over.

1820
01:21:49,167 --> 01:21:50,467
I love you, and I want to
marry you!

1821
01:21:50,533 --> 01:21:53,167
Don't you understand that?

1822
01:21:53,233 --> 01:21:55,567
I asked the airline
for a transfer.

1823
01:21:55,633 --> 01:21:57,067
I'm leaving for Miami.

1824
01:21:57,133 --> 01:22:00,833
No, no, you--

1825
01:22:00,900 --> 01:22:03,300
You were gonna transfer
to San Francisco.

1826
01:22:03,367 --> 01:22:09,367
Well, like I said, I--
I talked to the doctor,

1827
01:22:09,433 --> 01:22:11,200
and he said that he
thought you needed

1828
01:22:11,267 --> 01:22:15,067
time to be alone,
without the pressures

1829
01:22:15,100 --> 01:22:18,600
of trying to make a
difficult decision,

1830
01:22:18,667 --> 01:22:21,633
that you needed time to
re-evaluate things,

1831
01:22:21,700 --> 01:22:25,100
what you want
to do with your life.

1832
01:22:25,167 --> 01:22:29,367
Honey, I know exactly what I
want to do with my life!

1833
01:22:29,433 --> 01:22:32,367
I want to be a lawyer,

1834
01:22:32,433 --> 01:22:34,400
and I want to marry you,

1835
01:22:34,467 --> 01:22:36,867
and I want to
have children.

1836
01:22:36,933 --> 01:22:44,867
**

1837
01:22:45,933 --> 01:22:47,600
Don't-- don't you realize

1838
01:22:47,667 --> 01:22:49,633
that this whole thing is--
is nothing but a hoax

1839
01:22:49,700 --> 01:22:50,900
that Elliot
and I dreamed up

1840
01:22:50,967 --> 01:22:52,333
to avoid the draft?

1841
01:22:52,400 --> 01:22:56,767
That we are perfectly
normal?

1842
01:22:56,833 --> 01:22:59,300
Honey, we're perfectly--

1843
01:22:59,367 --> 01:23:00,900
I'll show you that we're
perfectly--

1844
01:23:00,967 --> 01:23:02,533
Danny, Danny, please.

1845
01:23:02,600 --> 01:23:04,233
There's nothing to prove.

1846
01:23:04,300 --> 01:23:08,067
Hey, I understand.

1847
01:23:11,067 --> 01:23:12,667
Elliot tells me
you're sulking.

1848
01:23:12,733 --> 01:23:14,167
Now, let's
have none of that.

1849
01:23:14,233 --> 01:23:16,133
Oh, hello.

1850
01:23:16,200 --> 01:23:17,367
Craig, not now, huh?

1851
01:23:17,433 --> 01:23:19,500
Please?

1852
01:23:19,567 --> 01:23:20,600
Of course.

1853
01:23:20,667 --> 01:23:21,900
I understand.

1854
01:23:21,967 --> 01:23:23,500
Everybody seems
to understand.

1855
01:23:25,067 --> 01:23:27,133
Pleased to have met you.

1856
01:23:27,200 --> 01:23:28,267
Look, honey--

1857
01:23:28,333 --> 01:23:30,567
(door closes)

1858
01:23:30,633 --> 01:23:34,200
I've got a flight
leaving in an hour.

1859
01:23:34,267 --> 01:23:36,767
Can-- Can I--

1860
01:23:36,833 --> 01:23:40,400
Can I at least have some
place to-- to write to you?

1861
01:23:42,733 --> 01:23:44,633
No.

1862
01:23:44,700 --> 01:23:48,067
I don't think that would
be too good an idea.

1863
01:23:51,233 --> 01:23:53,067
(screen door hinges squeak)

1864
01:23:53,100 --> 01:23:54,867
Hello!

1865
01:23:54,933 --> 01:23:57,233
Danny, you naughty boy.

1866
01:23:57,300 --> 01:24:00,267
Look--

1867
01:24:00,333 --> 01:24:01,500
Well, you're
not even dressed.

1868
01:24:01,567 --> 01:24:03,467
And after all the trouble
I went to

1869
01:24:03,533 --> 01:24:07,200
to get you the outfit.

1870
01:24:07,267 --> 01:24:11,067
Uh, Danny, uh,
come over,

1871
01:24:11,067 --> 01:24:13,533
if you want to,
to the party.

1872
01:24:20,667 --> 01:24:24,133
Excuse me.

1873
01:24:28,067 --> 01:24:29,867
(overlapping chatter)

1874
01:24:29,933 --> 01:24:31,933
I'll never know
what he saw in you.

1875
01:24:32,067 --> 01:24:35,267
Eat your heart out,
honey.

1876
01:24:35,333 --> 01:24:36,700
Grow some hair
on your chest

1877
01:24:36,767 --> 01:24:37,700
and I might give you
a call one night.

1878
01:24:37,767 --> 01:24:39,167
Yeah?

1879
01:24:39,233 --> 01:24:40,933
I'll have that in writing.

1880
01:24:41,067 --> 01:24:44,067
I love your beads.

1881
01:24:44,100 --> 01:24:47,067
(upbeat music)

1882
01:24:47,100 --> 01:24:55,067
**

1883
01:25:08,167 --> 01:25:10,500
(whispers indistinctly)

1884
01:25:10,567 --> 01:25:13,333
**

1885
01:25:13,400 --> 01:25:14,733
I can't take my eyes
off of you

1886
01:25:14,800 --> 01:25:16,100
for one minute,
can I?

1887
01:25:16,167 --> 01:25:18,700
Well, what's a girl to do--
lock herself in a closet?

1888
01:25:18,767 --> 01:25:20,833
You were supposed to be here
hours ago!

1889
01:25:20,900 --> 01:25:23,367
Let go of my arm, Vince,
you're hurting me.

1890
01:25:23,433 --> 01:25:25,667
Are you gonna let him
talk to me like that?

1891
01:25:25,733 --> 01:25:27,267
You can do better
than her, Vince.

1892
01:25:27,333 --> 01:25:28,767
I know a real girl that--

1893
01:25:28,833 --> 01:25:30,067
You bastard!

1894
01:25:30,067 --> 01:25:31,367
You're a fine one to talk!

1895
01:25:31,433 --> 01:25:33,700
You wouldn't even know how
to satisfy a girl.

1896
01:25:33,767 --> 01:25:34,700
Why don't you take
your dress off

1897
01:25:34,767 --> 01:25:35,967
and fight like a man!

1898
01:25:36,067 --> 01:25:37,433
If she takes her
dress off for anybody,

1899
01:25:37,500 --> 01:25:38,467
it's going to be me.

1900
01:25:38,533 --> 01:25:39,533
Watch where you're
grabbin', mack!

1901
01:25:39,600 --> 01:25:43,133
Take your greasy hands
off him, Miss Thing!

1902
01:25:43,200 --> 01:25:44,200
You butt out, bitch.

1903
01:25:44,267 --> 01:25:45,500
It is none
of your business.

1904
01:25:45,567 --> 01:25:46,833
Now, you come with me,
handsome,

1905
01:25:46,900 --> 01:25:48,067
and let these girls
work it out for themselves.

1906
01:25:48,067 --> 01:25:49,800
Listen, sweetie,
I told you last night--

1907
01:25:49,867 --> 01:25:51,900
I'm gonna get
beat up again!

1908
01:25:51,967 --> 01:25:56,433
(excited chatter)

1909
01:25:56,500 --> 01:26:04,433
(cheers and applause)

1910
01:26:07,133 --> 01:26:10,700
Now are you
ready to go home?

1911
01:26:10,767 --> 01:26:14,900
**

1912
01:26:14,967 --> 01:26:16,867
Sorry for the tiff,
dear.

1913
01:26:16,933 --> 01:26:18,067
Oh, that's quite
all right.

1914
01:26:18,067 --> 01:26:20,933
Good night.
Good night.

1915
01:26:21,067 --> 01:26:22,167
(sighs)

1916
01:26:22,233 --> 01:26:24,833
I detest cheap notoriety.

1917
01:26:24,900 --> 01:26:30,433
Well, so do I, but
wasn't that punch divine?

1918
01:26:30,500 --> 01:26:34,067
**

1919
01:26:34,133 --> 01:26:37,067
(upbeat music)

1920
01:26:37,133 --> 01:26:45,067
**

1921
01:26:50,767 --> 01:26:52,067
(Danny)
Dad, I couldn't tell you.

1922
01:26:52,067 --> 01:26:53,067
I couldn't tell anybody.

1923
01:26:53,067 --> 01:26:54,333
I was afraid
that if they started

1924
01:26:54,400 --> 01:26:55,667
sending investigators
around

1925
01:26:55,733 --> 01:26:56,967
and started
questioning people,

1926
01:26:57,067 --> 01:26:58,767
somebody was gonna slip up

1927
01:26:58,833 --> 01:27:01,533
and tell them
that we were normal.

1928
01:27:01,600 --> 01:27:04,167
I'm sorry you didn't
come to me sooner, Dan.

1929
01:27:04,233 --> 01:27:05,700
I'm sure
a competent psychiatrist

1930
01:27:05,767 --> 01:27:07,467
might have been able to
help you with your problem.

1931
01:27:07,533 --> 01:27:09,967
Dad, didn't you hear me?

1932
01:27:10,067 --> 01:27:11,367
Didn't you listen
to what I said?

1933
01:27:11,433 --> 01:27:12,567
The whole thing was a hoax,

1934
01:27:12,633 --> 01:27:13,600
from the beginning
to the end.

1935
01:27:13,667 --> 01:27:15,500
Elliot and I
are perfectly normal!

1936
01:27:15,567 --> 01:27:16,767
Oh, come off it, Dan.

1937
01:27:16,833 --> 01:27:17,933
What do you take me for?

1938
01:27:18,067 --> 01:27:19,500
Don't you think I know
about Elliot?

1939
01:27:19,567 --> 01:27:21,567
Why else do you think I had
him fired from the club?

1940
01:27:21,633 --> 01:27:23,233
We can't have
perverts like him

1941
01:27:23,300 --> 01:27:25,067
coming into contact with
our children!

1942
01:27:25,067 --> 01:27:27,633
Those Army doctors
are no fools, Dan.

1943
01:27:27,700 --> 01:27:30,633
It's their job to spot fellas
like you with problems.

1944
01:27:30,700 --> 01:27:31,767
I don't know.

1945
01:27:31,833 --> 01:27:33,900
I thought that you were glad
that I got deferred.

1946
01:27:33,967 --> 01:27:35,867
Not that way.

1947
01:27:35,933 --> 01:27:37,633
Do you realize this will
be on your record

1948
01:27:37,700 --> 01:27:38,900
for the rest of your life?

1949
01:27:38,967 --> 01:27:40,300
That you'll never be able
to hold any kind of a job

1950
01:27:40,367 --> 01:27:41,867
requiring
a security clearance?

1951
01:27:41,933 --> 01:27:43,900
Did you ever ask any of
your fairy friends

1952
01:27:43,967 --> 01:27:45,300
what it's like
to have a stigma like that

1953
01:27:45,367 --> 01:27:46,300
attached to them?

1954
01:27:46,367 --> 01:27:47,300
Did you?

1955
01:27:47,367 --> 01:27:48,400
Huh?

1956
01:27:48,467 --> 01:27:50,600
Dad, I'm trying to
tell you something!

1957
01:27:50,667 --> 01:27:51,600
Don't tell me!

1958
01:27:51,667 --> 01:27:54,800
Tell your draft board!

1959
01:27:54,867 --> 01:27:56,367
I'm sorry, Devlin,

1960
01:27:56,433 --> 01:27:58,067
but there's nothing I can
do about it.

1961
01:27:58,067 --> 01:27:59,467
It's out of my hands.

1962
01:27:59,533 --> 01:28:01,633
Don't you see
that I'm admitting to you

1963
01:28:01,700 --> 01:28:02,933
that the whole thing
was a fake,

1964
01:28:03,067 --> 01:28:05,233
that we just thought it up
just to make you think--

1965
01:28:05,300 --> 01:28:07,467
You don't seem to hear what
I'm telling you, Devlin.

1966
01:28:07,533 --> 01:28:09,833
Now, regardless
of your intentions,

1967
01:28:09,900 --> 01:28:12,600
you've been found unsuitable
for military service.

1968
01:28:12,667 --> 01:28:17,233
Now, in plain words, boy,
Uncle Sam doesn't want you.

1969
01:28:33,300 --> 01:28:35,567
Hey, Danny.

1970
01:28:38,633 --> 01:28:40,267
He wouldn't buy it, huh?

1971
01:28:42,667 --> 01:28:46,900
Yeah, that figures,
after the party last night.

1972
01:28:46,967 --> 01:28:49,167
I wasn't even there.

1973
01:28:49,233 --> 01:28:51,267
But I was.

1974
01:28:51,333 --> 01:28:52,667
And it figures--

1975
01:28:52,733 --> 01:28:54,167
You tell me to be
convincing,

1976
01:28:54,233 --> 01:28:57,500
and I guess
they just assumed--

1977
01:28:57,567 --> 01:28:59,633
Well, it's like you said.

1978
01:28:59,700 --> 01:29:01,967
It's better than getting
your butt shot off in Vietnam.

1979
01:29:03,667 --> 01:29:06,167
I just didn't
turn out like I planned.

1980
01:29:07,633 --> 01:29:09,333
Well, where to now?

1981
01:29:09,400 --> 01:29:10,567
Back to your folks?

1982
01:29:12,300 --> 01:29:14,667
That's the last place in
the world I want to go.

1983
01:29:16,833 --> 01:29:18,167
No, I'll go up north

1984
01:29:18,233 --> 01:29:20,567
and try and find
someplace to live

1985
01:29:20,633 --> 01:29:22,067
until school starts,
I guess.

1986
01:29:24,433 --> 01:29:26,900
What about you?

1987
01:29:26,967 --> 01:29:29,333
I think
I'll head down to Florida.

1988
01:29:29,400 --> 01:29:31,067
I hear the beach boys
do all right

1989
01:29:31,067 --> 01:29:32,433
with the horny old broads.

1990
01:29:32,500 --> 01:29:33,667
Will I see you
before you go?

1991
01:29:33,733 --> 01:29:35,767
No, I'm gonna take off
this afternoon.

1992
01:29:35,833 --> 01:29:38,900
Well, hang loose,
old buddy.

1993
01:29:40,067 --> 01:29:44,067
This thing'll
all blow over.

1994
01:29:44,067 --> 01:29:45,767
I doubt it.

1995
01:29:45,833 --> 01:29:46,767
**

1996
01:29:46,833 --> 01:29:49,933
("Beethoven's
Fifth Symphony")

1997
01:29:50,067 --> 01:29:53,400
Those idiots, thinking
that they could fool us.

1998
01:29:53,467 --> 01:29:55,233
You really had 'em figured,
didn't you, George?

1999
01:29:55,300 --> 01:29:57,400
Well, that's my job, Joe.

2000
01:29:57,467 --> 01:30:00,567
Weed out
all the undesirables.

2001
01:30:00,633 --> 01:30:03,933
We don't want their kind
in the Army, do we, Joe?

2002
01:30:04,000 --> 01:30:11,933
**